Your definitive guide to "REAL" definations. 1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. 2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test. 3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master 4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage 5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either". 6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. 8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..<<- one of my favorite 9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage. 10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. 11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. 12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read. 13. Smile : A curve which keeps everything straight.<< hey my sig is also here 14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. 16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. 17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sitto decide that nothing can be done together. 18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. 19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. 20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. 21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. 22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. 23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet." 24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY. 25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. 26. Father : A banker provided by nature. 27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught. 28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. 29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. 30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. 31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such silly things....