Okay, so why do lovers become possessive of each other? there are a lot of things actually that lead to insecurities... but i believe that if you really show each other that there is nothing to worry about on the other side.. then i think things will eventually be easier. no more insecurities and jealousies will happen. Ok, so, it will still be there but once you have established the trust issue, then i think those things will be put to minimum. if you are too scared of losing one person, then that would eventually lead to losing that person more.... if you hang around too tight, you would suffocate your partner.. that is what i do with my bf.. i show him that i am just here for him anytime and that i am not interested in anyone anymore...just him and he does that too.. (i know others will say that can you really trust him?) it's just like this, my trust with him is like how a blind person trusts his dog to lead him the way. as simple as that.. hmm... i think i have written a lot already.. better stop now.. i might continue on blabbering nonsense.. hahaha
They do that because they don't want to lose that person but in the end that will only suffocate the person. I've suffocated several people that way before and now I see how it feels when somebody is doing the same thing to me.
I'm surprised no one brought up the biological motivation. Deep inside everyone is preprogrammed desire to propogate our DNA. Men are possesive of their women because they dont want to expend their energy raising someone else's children. Women are possesive too because if their man strays, it's likely he'll have to split his resources (time and money) on another family. Now these are the most basic motivations involved. There's also fear of abandonment, loss of attention, and respect and embarrasement issues. That said, we need to control our basest instincts so they dont overwhelm us and ruin a relationship. The first step is to understand why we feel a certain way instinctually and then consciously control those urges.
Now, I don't agree with the argument that it is because of instinct, since I believe that possessiveness is more complex than an instinct, just like professionals don't consider rapists to be acting out of instinct but out of a strive for power, which is more involved with human sophistication and culture. Essentially, lovers have a tendency to mistrust one another's integrity, and they therefore try to investigate whether the lover is actually being unfaithful or not. However, that is probably a manifestation of culture. If you were in Japan 200 years ago, you'd barely hear about any cases of suspicious spouses, but, for example in America, in a culture of freedom and women's rights, it's naturally that people would be more doubtful of the integrity of their partner as opposed to a culture of honor.
Jealousy and insecurity, more often than not. Mistrust and an inability to communicate with each other honestly and openly is what usually leads to these two symptoms of a sick relationship. A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity. -- Robert A. Heinlein