Why Do You Have To Lose Yourself In Order To Make Your Wife Happy?

Why does it seem like in order to make her happy, you have to lose everything about yourself that attracted her in the first place? If you don't do what she says when she wants you to do it, then there's hostility in the marriage or relationship. As long as you do what she wants you to do and how she wants you to do it as long as she wants you to do it when she wants you to do it, the world is ok. If anything doesn't go her way, then, BLAM, the sky is falling!

 

Um.... according to who? this isn't the case for everyone?? And it shouldn't be that way at all

 

It's a give and take doug. You have to learn to live with each other. Tolerate each others quaint foibles.

 

I feel trapped!!!

 

How long has it been since you got married?

 

a little over 5 years....

 

Communication, let her know. I know the bite is as bad as the bark sometimes but you just have to sit the lady down and have a chat and work something out, just tell her you can't have everything your way all the time.

 

marriage should not feel that way.. happiness should be easier to obtain? you deserve more..

 

Also being sensitive does not make you less of a man

 

Sometimes you feel good by loosing something

 

marriage isn't 50-50, it's 100-100. if both are you aren't on the same page (communication) then your stability is greatly jepordized.

It sounds like she is just evil (j/k) or does not see things from your perspective. She may not even realize that she's doing it.

There are so many factors that contribute to the health of a marriage, it's up to the both of you to 'be there' for each other.

I would try talking to her about it, otherwise you might harbor resentment towards her, further weakening your marriage foundation.

 

Bro, it is bl**dy hard trying to please the wife...! Done it for 10 years what do I get in the end.."I love you BUT I don't love you anymore, I want out...! Good Luck, hang in there, and don't give up. Life is too short!

 

I'm afraid that most relationships are like yours, don't feel bad about your self.
Speak with your wife and explain to her you feel unhappy with the way you are being treated.
If you can't work any thing out, I suggest a marriage counselor.

I Hope every thing goes well

 

Buddy. Tell your wife. " We need to give and take.. Not give and give and take and take.." You both need some counselling. Try it man. Don't give up. Just keep on replying and asking questions in this thread atleast your letting it all out. Don't just isolate the problem.. share it with us maybe you'll find a solution in this thread. Thanks buddy.

 

I think you two should see a councilor in order to save your marriage.

--Joe

 

It takes two to tango - I mean both needs to want to see a councillor. Try and convince here - she might not even know there's a problem.

 

yep, communication is the key, let her know how you feel and if she gets offended in some way, well she is just proving the point

good luck

 

I keep saying to her that I'm not happy. She just doesn't get it. Let me through some more logs into this fire. We're in an interracial marriage. She's a pinay (filipina) and I'm mulatto (black/white).

 

forget it, just try to keep her happy! don't fight, simply do what she says, and everything will be fine!
ask her to write down the points that she dislikes of yours, and you write down the stuffs that you hate! after that just read each others points, and follow them strictly, then you won't have any problems

 

Maybe it has something to do with how she was brought up? Was she an only child or only daughter? Or a favorite child, whose father (and maybe mother) doted on and gave into her whims and pleas?

Or perhaps was this how her parents interacted? Her father always giving in to her mother?

Often, how we function in a relationship is related to our own experiences in growing up and how our family communicated.

Or could it even be cultural expectations?

And it can sometimes be that 2 people are just very different, not in sinc, and harmony can be difficult.

I feel for you. Coming personally from a marriage where we tend to be in harmony and incredibly happy and in love still (even after being together for over 13 years), and always have been, I can assure you marriage is not always one sided and depressing. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to live like that. Marriage does entail (usually joyful) work at the relationship, and give an take, and respect and consideration, from both people. I hope that the two of you can work towards this within your relationship.

I agree about the counseling suggestion, if she (and you) is willing to really give it a go, with an open mind.