Which of these headline do you think is best for mind-power/self-help?

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by MindReality, Dec 4, 2008.

  1. #1
    Hi,

    Which headline do you think is better for mass appeal for my mind-power/self-help website?

    Headline 1:

    "Discover The Greatest Secrets Of The Mind And Reality That Will Get You Anything You Desire, Almost Like Magic!"

    Headline 2:

    "Finally Discover All The Secrets of Life And The Universe Found On This Website To Get Everything You Ever Wanted!"

    Headline 3:

    “Discover The Hidden Secret Knowledge and Real Science of Attracting All the Wealth, Success and Happiness You Ever Wanted Beyond Your Wildest Dreams!”

    Headline 4:

    "Discover The Most Important Secrets In The Universe For Manifesting All That You Desire and to Experience a Life of Abundance, Happiness and Fulfillment!"

    Any comments and suggestions are welcomed!
     
    MindReality, Dec 4, 2008 IP
  2. Loren Woirhaye

    Loren Woirhaye Peon

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    #2
    They are all bad. Sorry. They are.

    Longwinded, rambling, trying to fit every appeal into the headline.

    Foolish word choices like "manifesting" and "attracting" limit your market,
    making assumptions about your reader and his or her vocabulary. Don't use words
    that have ambivalent defintions.

    Have 1 appeal in your headline, 1 idea. Explain the details in the body copy.

    Come back with four 5 or 6 word headlines and then we'll have something
    to get you going.
     
    Loren Woirhaye, Dec 4, 2008 IP
  3. MindReality

    MindReality Well-Known Member

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    #3
    How about...

    "Discover How To Create Huge Success and Prosperity In All Areas of Life With These Powerful Secrets!"
     
    MindReality, Dec 4, 2008 IP
  4. Y.L. Prinzel

    Y.L. Prinzel Peon

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    #4
    I think I would go sleeker, more catchy and less simplistic.

    I don't know your product or service, and am not suggesting this, but:

    "Success and Prosperity- At Your Fingertips!"

    is easier to take than the really long, all-encompassing titles.
     
    Y.L. Prinzel, Dec 4, 2008 IP
  5. wilhb81

    wilhb81 Active Member

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    #5
    To me, the simpler the better!

    For your information, people are mostly spending less than 5 seconds to read the title. If the title is too long and boring, then you'll have 50% chance of losing your readers...
     
    wilhb81, Dec 4, 2008 IP
  6. lightless

    lightless Notable Member

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    #6
    Keep it short, simple and sweet. Like

    Use the power of your mind to achieve your dreams.

    The knowledge that will make a difference in your life.
     
    lightless, Dec 5, 2008 IP
  7. cd928

    cd928 Peon

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    #7
    try not to cover everything with your headline. remember that it's main point is to get the first paragraph read. once you give it all away in the headline, why would they bother reading the rest of the text?

    my 2 cents. :)
     
    cd928, Dec 5, 2008 IP
  8. Loren Woirhaye

    Loren Woirhaye Peon

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    #8
    Do a Google search for "Eugene Schwartz headlines" and you will
    see what Schwartz (in the top 5 of all-time for copywriters)
    did with "mind power" headlines - because he often wrote
    grand-slam winners for that market.
     
    Loren Woirhaye, Dec 6, 2008 IP
  9. alexa_s

    alexa_s Peon

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    #9
    How about something more like "The Magic of Mind-Power" or even "A New Look At The Magic of Mind-Power" as a headline and then another slightly longer line underneath as a sort of sub-heading where you can say a little bit more of what you want to get across?
     
    alexa_s, Dec 6, 2008 IP
  10. MindReality

    MindReality Well-Known Member

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    #10
    Hi,

    Could you point me to a specific page about Eugene Schwartz headlines?

    Or could you copy and paste some of those mind power headlines here?

    I would appreciate it, thanks!
     
    MindReality, Dec 6, 2008 IP
  11. Y.L. Prinzel

    Y.L. Prinzel Peon

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    #11
    I used some of the greatest secrets of my mind and googled Eugene Schwartz headlines....wow. I got everything I desired. :D

    Snarky 'cuz I'm tired? Maybe....
     
    Y.L. Prinzel, Dec 6, 2008 IP
  12. Live2Write

    Live2Write Active Member

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    #12
    Live2Write, Dec 6, 2008 IP
  13. lightless

    lightless Notable Member

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    #13
    I'll tell you the secret to getting all that you desire like magic.

    Google it.

    In any case, this place has all that you want in a nice PDF.
    http://www.ultimate-online-swipe-file.com/127_Advertising_Headlines.htm

    Eugene Schwartz was a true master. However some of those headlines won't work as well now due to their types being beaten to death on generic sales pages selling crappy products.
     
    lightless, Dec 8, 2008 IP
    nervo likes this.
  14. MindReality

    MindReality Well-Known Member

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    #14
    Which of these two headlines is better?

    Headline 1:

    Discover All The Secrets of The Universe To Get Everything You Ever Wanted

    Headline 2:

    Discover The Most Closely Guarded Secrets To Get Everything You Desire


    Just let me know which one is better and why.
     
    MindReality, Dec 9, 2008 IP
  15. Y.L. Prinzel

    Y.L. Prinzel Peon

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    #15


    I don't really like either. If I had to choose, I would say #2 because it is slightly smoother. I think, "Everything You Desire" is too vague. Maybe:

    Discover the Secret to Achieving Success, Love and Money

    I think you are still trying to fit too much in to your title, which drives me away because it doesn't feel legit.
     
    Y.L. Prinzel, Dec 9, 2008 IP
  16. nervo

    nervo Active Member

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    #16
    I agree, simplify and and/or trim your title trying to include your main points/kws.

    Here's a great tool, I think it's amazing
    Emotional Marketing Value Headline Analyzer
    http://www.aminstitute.com/headline/index.htm

    According to their Emotional Marketing Value (EMV),
    your Headline 2: "Discover The Most Closely Guarded Secrets To Get Everything You Desire" gets solid 54.55%

    Which seems like the best one mentioned in the thread so far..
     
    nervo, Dec 11, 2008 IP