What did one leg say to the other leg? Don't talk to that guy in the middle... He's a bit of a dickhead!
Wedding Night....... What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night? "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!" .......
Corniest joke: How do you catch an elephant? You dig a big hole and fill it full of ahes. Then you line the edge of the hole with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick hin in the ash hole. Why did the monkeey fall out of thee tree? Cause he was dead. Jacques, the world’s greatest fighter plane pilot goes into a bar after a long day of fighter plane piloting and quickly meets a lady. A few drinks and a short time later they are back at Jacques’ apartment. Soon enough they a kissing but Jacques stops, grabs some red wine and pours it over her lips. She asks “Jacques, what are you doing?†He replies: “I’m Jacques, the world’s greatest fighter plane pilot and when I have red meat I have to have red wine.†“Oh, how sweet†she comments. Not long after Jacques is a bit lower, kissing her breasts, but again he stops, grabs some white wine and pours it all over her breasts. She yelps “Jacques, what are you doing?†He replies: “I’m Jacques, the world’s greatest fighter plane pilot and when I have white meat I have to have white wine.†“Oh, how sweet†she comments. Not long after Jacques has moved his way down lower. She’s moaning in pleasure when Jacques again stops, grabs some brandy, pours it all over her and lights it on fire. This time she screams Jacques, what are you doing?†“I’m Jacques, the world’s greatest fighter plane pilot and when I go down, I go down in flames.â€
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and come back again? 'Cause he was a dirty double crosser.
Bacon and egg are in the frying pan. The egg says, "Boy, it's hot in here!" Bacon says, "Holy, moly! A talking egg!!!"
here is one for you all. A couple of lonely nuns buy a parrot. When they bought it the guy at the store said it would talk. Well they get it home and they start talking to it. The next thing ya know the parrot curls a hip seductively, puts one wing on her hip and sqwaks "Hey sailor looking for a good time?" Well the nuns are horrified but they think it was just a fluke and try talking to it again and it says again "Hey sailor looking for a good time" The nuns think that they can cure this bird with prayer and so long as they do not talk to it it will not say this again. So they pray for about a week and then go talk to bird again it rolls it's hips seductively again and sqwaks "Hey sailor looking for a good time?" Both nuns bolt from the room and run to the father of the church and tell they have tried but the bird is to vulgar for them. The father suggests that hey bring her to be with his two parrots. As he says he looks over and one is reading the bible and the other praying with his rosary. The nuns think this is a fabulous idea since they both know that the father's birds are good god fearing animals and they quickly get there bird. They release her in the cage and she abruptly rolls her hips and whistles this before saying "Hey sailors looking for a good time?" The nuns are mortified, just then the one parrot looks at the other and say "Quick Frank drop the rosary our prayers have been answered"