Hi, I thought this copy was quite good but it doesn't seem to bring in many sales. Can someone please point out the flaws because I am not sure I see any and am quite confused as to why it is not converting well. http://www.propaidemail.com/pages/emailmarketing.php Thanks for your insight, Regards, Ryan
Hi Ryan, I am no expert at this, but from a page visitor's point of view, I can suggest for you to make a few changes.. It is all, however, your choice as whether to follow my advice or not, it is no problem. 01. I think it would be more convincing if you removed the quotation marks ("..") from your titles. Having them there makes it seem like everything written is simply based on hearsay. 02. Improve the font? The font, in my opinion, is not really that friendly to the eyes, and since you are not using various colors to make the article a lot more interesting, I think it would help a lot to use a different kind of font that may make the whole thing easier to read. 03. Improve the landing page as a whole. I hope you will consider this as constructive criticism when I say your landing page looks very unattractive. It is not designed to sell, at all. It is not designed to arouse anyone's interest, and if you plan to make sales, you need a landing page that does exactly that. I hope I have contributed a little, & good luck.
- The font is a bit difficult on the eyes. - Black and white? Red and some blue and some yellow might do your site some good. Just my 2 cents.
Many people focus 100% on copy and 0% on presentation. This is wrong. Even the best copy can be killed by poor presentation. The second I loaded the page, I saw that the presentation was a problem. Think about document design a little more and rework your page. Once you have that ironed out, here are a couple quick copy tips: 1. Don't quote entire headlines unless they are quotes from someone. 2. Revisit your headlines. They should be clear, powerful. They need work. 3. You're bolding far too much. Again, document design suffers. Bold key points only and those points almost always aren't full sentences. Regardless, try not to bold close together. This can be fixed in the copy and the document design. Again, look at your headlines. Take a look at this: "If You Can’t Get Visitors to Your Site You Can’t Make Any Money" Really? Why not just have a headline that says, "You Can't Breathe Without Air." You see, the headline says nothing. Make them specific. Lastly, look at your ordering. The content could be ordered much better. Writing a sales letter (or other sales-oriented content) isn't just about saying the right things, it's about saying the right things at the right times. BTW, your main headline says 41,000 and your copy says 40,000. Consistency is another issue. Good luck.
Taking into account that a lot of you suggested that the font was not easy on the eyes I changed the color because I assumed that is what you meant but I am not sure if it is strong enough. Here is the original: http://www.propaidemail.com/pages/emailmarketing2.php And with the updated font color: http://www.propaidemail.com/pages/emailmarketing.php I have the font set to the default font because I am not sure which font to use that is common on most peoples computer and looks nice. Should I look into changing the font as well? I also took away the quotes from the headlines and updated all the numbers to 41,000+ members. I think I may need a site redesign as well but that is not in my budget right now so I am trying to work with what I have. Thanks, Ryan
Hi, Why is it grey? It looks dull... Put some more colour in it to attract people to read. Yes, I think you should change the font as well. Is that Times Roman? Times Roman is only good on paper, not on screen. (read it somewhere) Good Luck!
Yep. The material is decent, but like everyone else has mentioned, my first impression was dull, and I didn't really receive any visual incentive to start or continue reading.
I am not sure about the presentation as that isn't my area! However, I do notice that there are quite a few grammatical mistakes and a few places where the content could be improved. The colour of the text could do with being black perhaps. It seems to be a bit dull as it is now. I can't do it tonight, but I can look it over tomorrow and rework the content a little if you like? Free of charge of course! Sarah
A good Graphic Designer may help you for the visual but your copy needs more attention also. In my opinion current copy does not engage the reader. When you ask a question in a title about a problem which your audience is already experiencing, and if the answer is yes, then it is a good title. Test your new copy against the old and remember not to change too many things at once.
I have 2 sets of comments that may help a little: Personal comments: I like how you explain your service, but I lost interest half way down. I think it's because my eyes started feeling over-worked. Your page width is wide so every line is a long read. But more importantly, my eyes lost focus a bit from the serif-style font. Maybe try a sans serif and increase the right margin? Copywriter "secrets" comments: -- You definitely need some color and yellow highlights here and there. This will give the eye a break from ongoing black type, make the eye grab hold of what's important and pay more attention. -- I like your headline. But at the same time, I had to read it twice and think about it. I had to 'put 2 + 2 together' to understand the benefit to my wallet. But I shouldn't have to stop and re-read the headine to 'get it.' -- Your headline is in a 'passive' voice, due to your using the word 'receive' as relates to the recipients. Maybe try tweaking it to a more active voice on the part of your potential clients. Examples: Use an ACTION word such as Send, Reach, Connect With, Grab 41,000 Eyeballs, or something. -- You might use a visual/image in the body copy to make the presentation more engaging/livelier. -- I'm sure you know the theory behind choosing a minisite with no links vs. a website like yours with lots of link down the left. Maybe some readers are distracted and escaping through your links? Wishing you luck! PS I just read that a few people questioned your quote marks in the headline. I didn't see your copy when you had it this way, but using quotes "falsely" this way can be a good trick. You obviously read that somewhere, written by an expert. The problem isn't 'that' you used quotes in the headline, but maybe that what was inside the quotation mark didn't have the feel of someone actually saying those words. The headline is supposed to read like someone is giving almost a secret testimonial for the quotes to work. But that's not how your headline is structured.
I think a few testimonials and proof of results will help... Maybe add some audios and videos with some nice graphics - just my thoughts...
Thanks everyone, for your help! I have changed the font, the page width, and removed most of the bold. I am still looking for an appropriate picture, thinking of a new headline, and weighing the use of highlights in the copy but please let me know what you think of it now
I still didnt find it attractive enough to continue with reading. Same color top through bottom makes it unattractive (my thoughts). Add a dash of sap green or crimpson at a few places with highlights. No graphics as someone suggested? This font is still not great. Increase font size at highlight areas. Giving smaller sub heads will make a copy better. Didn't you know Keep It Short and Smart?
Change the color of the headline and subheads or do something to make them stand out more. The subpoints of this are unnecessarily bolded and the bulleting isn't attractive. Unbold them and number them or use a more attractive/standout bulleting system.