What do you think about this landing page?

Hi Guys

I've set up my first landing page for this site:
http://www.s-development.net/intranet_page.html

Please let me know what do you think about it

Cheers!

 

i'd be a bounce.

you need graphics and a stronger call to action.

your 5 reasons are very vague? Why will they love it? How will it cut costs? etc.

 

This landing page needs lots of work

I recommend looking up some competitors and try mimicking their landing page and put your own unique style to it.

 

Not to jump on the bandwagon but I totally agree. The page is very dull and does not grab your attention nor your interest. Keep working and look around to see what sites attract you and hold your attention. Use them as a model.

 

You be lucky to have any decent conversion rate on that page. Needs a lot of work.

 

Your landing page must be creative and need some content or information that will attract a potential customer.

 

Man its terrible

 

gosh I didn't think it is that bad... anyone has an example of a good landing page?

 

This is a PERFECT landing page:

http://www.the-wuyi-tea.com/

 

your site is down!

 

Really?? I found it really annoying.

Anyway I worked hard to change the look of my landing page - what do you think now?
http://www.s-development.net/intranet_page.html

 

I agree your landing page need s a little more work.. I dont think you should go for the *in your face* sales page like wuyi tea etc as your market is going to be different more at businesses it seems.. however you probably need to include more links on the page about us, support etc as these are the things that small business owners value.. plus include the opt in again at the bottom of the page..

 

maybe some flash would help? The page looks a bit plain and doesn't grab the customer's attention too much.

 

flash is not a good idea because of loading time, browser incompatibility and versioning.

 

My opinion but i suggest to get rid of the grey graphic to the left of the page, it is distracting

 

Remove the graphic on left, and "Home" link (you don't want any links other opt-in box)
Remove phone and email on top right, put a contact us link at the bottom (Google policy, will reduce your CPC)

Always be in the mindset that every visitor thinks: "What's in it for me?"
You have less than 7 seconds to explain what it's all about and what's in it for him or his out.

"We in s-development blablabla" - boring, not exciting-> I'm out of your site.

Change headline into red color.

Make your site right in the center of the screen (It's a little to the left right now)

Remove the top opt-in box (and the text between headline and top opt-in box)
You want them to read the 5 reasons, and then opt-in.

To reduce fear factor in the opt-in, add a small font line that says:
"Where Your Intranet Will Be Sent"

 

You need to work on the way you express yourself. It's been proven that you should write in a certain way using a good beat. Hard to explain, but your text does not flow sometimes. Eg:

At S-Development we believe that every business ought to have an Intranet system which is why we are offering this service at no cost and without obligation. Sharing information between employees and clients is now incredibly easy, as is the tracking of projects and orders.

Sounds better? Or maybe it's just me...