Weekendr

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by Sirxl, Nov 14, 2006.

  1. #1
    What do you think about this piece on Weekendr? Is it ok ? I'm trying to improve my writing skills and need some comments. Thanks
     
    Sirxl, Nov 14, 2006 IP
    NathanielJ likes this.
  2. fmt2k7

    fmt2k7 Active Member

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    #2
    you need a little improvement on comma placement...just my 2 cents;)
     
    fmt2k7, Feb 28, 2007 IP
  3. NathanielJ

    NathanielJ Active Member

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    #3
    My review ;)

    Well, your writing is nice, satisfactory level. I liked it.:)
     
    NathanielJ, Mar 2, 2007 IP
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  4. jhmattern

    jhmattern Illustrious Member

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    #4
    Out of curiosity, are you a native English speaker? I honestly can't tell from the piece, because at some points you sound like you might be, and in others you don't.

    I agree with the comment made about comma usage. There are a good number of errors on that front.

    The first two sentences seemed incredibly repetitive, which made it a slow start to the reading.

    There's a spacing issue that should have been caught on a basic proofread (looks as though you added a line break where you should have had a space between sentences instead).

    You say "the video you uploaded..." as though it's been previously mentioned in the article, which makes that line not make much sense on first read-through (and readers shouldn't have to go back to understand something).

    There are a few issues with word usage (like "which enables you to self-tagging" should be "which enables you to tag," "which enables you to use self-tagging", etc., at least one spelling error that jumped out (fascilitates is wrong), and a few other word choice issues (like needing to remove "the" before "social networking" in your last paragraph).

    Just saying so, because you asked, and not for the sake of nitpicking. Hopefully everyone's comments will make you more aware of repeat problems, so you can improve them as you continue to write. :)
     
    jhmattern, Mar 2, 2007 IP