Hi all To all the copywritters here, much appreciated if you guys provide much needed critique of my site's 2 main pages as follwoing: Squeeze page: http://youronlinecashempire.com Saleslettter page: http://youronlinecashempire.com/main.html Feel free to express your opinions, the more honest the better. Thanks in advance.
Okay, I looked at the sales page. Not bad. Your headline needs a little something more. A little more of an attention getter, you have 7 seconds don't blow it. Your deck copy is bland but it seems to do the trick. The body copy needs to be tightened up... less feature more benefit, what's in it for me. I like long sales letters. But I don't like long boring sales letters. You could be chopping alot of this out. Some of your bullets have no business being there once so ever. The P.S. is some what good, and over all I can see you are probably making some money from this site with the right amount of targeted traffic. But, trust me, with a professional copywriter giving this a full do over... this thing has the potetial to be making some money. So, my suggestion is to spend some of that 6 figures that your making, give it a good look over by a professional and hit the big leagues. Good luck, Brett
I don't do this for free, but I can give you some tips. First off, since most people do not like squeeze pages, you are dead in the water on that one. Besides, the words on that page is what is read in, God knows, how many other sites. It also looks like a typical ol' template site, like so many others out there. Sorry, but that design, the sell words on it, are a dime a dozen. Second, stop lying in your site. You are not making that much. Also, get rid of any screenshots. Most do not believe them, and that method is also a dime a dozen. It just cheapens your site. The "million-dollar internet business" is a far stretch. Not many people will believe it, and they shouldn't, thus you will lose sales, just from that alone. This too is what is read in every other site out there. Tone it down some. Like, say, "...make enough money to pay your bills every month...." If you are an affiliate of this, I would try to tell readers the truth, while still telling them that money can still be made with this. That is, IF this isn't crap. Act like just one of the guys who bought this, scoffed at the title of it, but you still made money with it. You need some sort of angle to get around that unbelievable title, or, again, you will lose sales. Hell, you will lose visitors (get a high bounce rate), period. Your sales page is way, way too long! It needs to be cut in half, if not more. Over half of your visitors will not read through all of that. We are a nation of lazy readers! This too is why webmasters have such a high bounce rate. Put in free samples, advice from this product. You can go on and on about this thing, but if they cannot see inside it, and since they do not know you from Adam, you are wasting valuable space on your sales page. Also, think about putting in a picture of yourself. If you have a wife, girlfriend, include her also. For the obvious reason. It also looks too much like the same ol' "make-money-now!!" template sites out there. Sorry, but this thing needs a lot of work. A lot of the sales words are good, though. Drop the "dear wealth seeker." I have read that, I don't know how many times. This is just God-awful: "Discover My Internet Millionaire System That Shows You Exactly How To Start Your Own Million Dollar Internet Business...Even If You've Never Made A 'Online Sale' Before!" It's The Easiest, Most Affordable Way To Start A Moneymaking Internet Business Without Risking a Single Penny... ... And You DON'T Need a Business Idea, A Product To Sell, Or Any Technical Experience To Get Started In THE NEXT 5 MINUTES ! Go in the opposite direction of all those other sites that have the same basic words, look and feel. Starting off with this is just fine: Have you heard the stories and thought they were crazy?
I have to agree, your headline needs some work. You're not creating any internal strife. Make me want to read more because of an unanswered question, or a problem I need to solve: Still Struggling to Make That First Internet Dollar? or Now You Can Finally Crank Out a Decent Living... People do read, but it has to be in the form of valuable information or an intriguing story. Your body copy needs to follow one of those formats, or it's just another salesletter destined for drive-by traffic. Also, your message is not focused enough on your prospect. Your second set of bullet points all start with "I" or "I'll" when it should be "You" and "Yours". Needs work. James
Thanks guys, much appreciated. I did get the copy for the bonuses section done by some copywriter but the rest is basically the same copy that I got from the person who I bought the PLR from. I also changed the graphics, so I have done fair bit to distinguish the product from other resellers. And I am aware that the main body copy does require a rewrite totally. Just haven't got the finance to pay what I estimate to be over $2000 bill. But I tell you what the product is damn good.not just some fluff and the bonuses are good value as well, not just some ebooks.
A good copywriter/designer can do this for under $1,000. As one who does this for a living, I sure as hell can. It isn't that hard. With a few more tips, even you can do it, and save money at the same time. I hate that crap when they charge thousands of dollars. And the majority of them don't know that much. Anther reason why you need to be different is that some of your visitors may have bought something like this before, and they either did not like it, or they got ripped off, so when they see your site.... If it is true that it is indeed a good product, good luck with it.
I think see how things go for one month. If you are unhappy with your conversion rate then really think about re-investing some serious dollars into your copy. There is no short cut in a sales pitch. It's either a winner or it's not. Good luck!