twisted nursery rhymes Nobody ever sung these in grade school

Mary Had a Little Lamb


Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.

Little Miss Muffet


Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon


Simple Simon met a Pieman,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.

Humpty Dumpty


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses
And all the kings men,
Said "F*ck him,
He's only an egg."

Mary Had a Another Lamb


Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass,
And turned it's wool to nylon.

Georgy Porgy


Georgie Porgy, pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill,
To have little fun.
Jill, that dill
Forgot her pill,
And now they have a son.

Old Mother Hubbard


Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Little Boy Blue


Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the Money.

 

why is no one reading them

 

whoaaa this is hilarious..
I never wonder why it was not being taught to kids...
LOL

 

lol i think i know why

 

Lol. Some of them are funny.

 

ROFL those are great ones I pretty much like them all

 

LMAO... love this one!

 

Another version to sing to my younger siblings...when they're a bit older....

 

Hah, go ahead now. They'll appreciate it when they're older.

 

Haha, the Jack and Jill one is great.

 

doube-post, sorry.

 

Cool dude. I won't mind even if it was a double post.
It was still funny.

 

I like this one the best, but they all were great lol.

 

hahaha, definitely not the kind of nursery rhyme for my nephew.
hilarious

 

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass,
And turned it's wool to nylon.


my favorite.but all are gud.reped you for these.lol.

 

There was a reggae artist in the 70s in Britain called Judge Dread and he used to have lyrics like these nursery rhymes... of course, banned on the radio... but they sold well because everybody was swapping his records in the playground and talking about them...

Here's one of his tracks called Big Eight:

there was a grand old duke of yorkhe had ten thousand men
if he had the eneregy he would have had them all again

shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh

simple simon indian boy comes on like a tiger
he doesn't like it in this town but he likes it up the kiver

shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh

pussy pussy where you been why you dirty and not clean
it really shocks me to my feet see pussy dirty when i eat

shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh

molly flindas has a dress label twas made in paris
all the boys are heard to say what a lovely piece of paris

shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh

georgy porgy pudding pie had a girl and made her cry
lucky she had used her sense and brought a ring of confidence

shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh

little bo peep loses sheep she also loses panties
she loses them five times a day and always six on sundays

shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh

mary mary quite contrary why you look so fine
cause i've had a visit from judge dread and he's given me big nine

shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh
shadalalla la dumb di ei eh

 

Cool buddy!! have you edited that??? If you have done then hats off to you!! Great work. Too hilarious.

 

This one is going to have to be my favorite

 

wow. this is complicated! lols thanks for sharing. its pretty funny!!

 

trying to find more when i do ill put them up