> > They walk among us. > > > > I walked into a Blimbie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a > > sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little > > chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already > > buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She > > handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. > > > > They walk among us. > > > > A friend of mine boug ht a n ew fridge for his house. > > To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a > > sign on it saying:"Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For > > three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking > > twice at it. My friend decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. > > It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: > > "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. > > > > They walk among us. > > > > One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of > > them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" > > Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?" > > > > They Walk among us! > > > > While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent > > which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the > > sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in > > the north? " > > When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has > > for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with > > that stuff." > > > > They Walk Among Us!! > > > > I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day > > I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center > > was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, > > 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" > > Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." > > > > They Walk Among Us! > > > > My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we > > overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the > > sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. > > She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get > > sunburned because the car was moving." > > > > They W alk Among Us! > > > > My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a > > seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. > > > > They Walk Among Us! > > > > My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were > > discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The > > cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. > > > > They Walk Among Us! I told you about retail! > > > > I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring > > attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the > > chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a > > person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which > > way the head is turned. > > > > They Walk Among Us! > > > > I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to > > the lost lug gage o ffice and told the woman there that my bags > > never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was > > a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, > > "has your plane arrived yet?" > > > > They Walk Among Us! > > > > While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small > > pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he > > would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some > > time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think > > I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces." > > > > Yep, They Walk Among Us! > > > > They walk among us, AND they reproduce!
I was doing volunteer surf lifesaving training and we were talking about resusitation. If the mouth was smashed up then just use the nose we were told. Mr IQ (about 10 years older than most of us) asked "If the nose is smashed up can use the ears?"
Another good one The Fishing Story Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of twenty years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?" I still don't know if she was joking.............