Hi everybody..just thought of making a jokes thread..I will be writing one joke every now and then..just to make all you stressed webmasters/SEOs/bloggers/coders etcetera etcetera laugh a bit.. Even you are invited to write some jokes..but please avoid adult jokes and no racial abuses.. So...here is my first joke: Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE." The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the box. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.
A teenage DP member was giving his school exams. He was not knowing anything because he ws too much into internet business and DPing.. He didnt know the answer of any question. So he wrote below each of them: PM me for more info
One day a man happened to see a marathon race. "What the guys are doing" asked the man. " We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner. "Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!"
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah.... equipment?" "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." "Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!!
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.. .. It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !
Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?†When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “God Almighty!†shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good†and Janice fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.†But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “Jesus Christ!†shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,†and Janice fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?†and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ***!†… the teacher fainted!
This thread has some some real funny jokes. I liked all of them Hope to get more from you and will share if I have any good joke
Short Joke Helen :I wonder what men talk about when they're off by themselves. Dina : Probably the same things we do. Helen : Oh, aren't they awful! LOL.
A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire earth. On the back he wrote "Wish you were here"
Teacher: Sam, you have 10 chocolates. You gave 3 to Mary, 4 to Monica and 2 to lily. What do you have now?? Sam: Three new Girlfriends
Mathematical Joke Biggest Mystery of All times Hundreds of years passed..... Thousands of theorems derived..... millions of formulaes made.... But still..... X is Unkown
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed: P...E...N...I...S His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: **** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***