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The Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Dominic, Jul 19, 2005.

  1. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #121
    Saw it on here


    The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

    Good: Your wife is pregnant.
    Bad: It's triplets.
    Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

    2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
    Bad: She wants a divorce.
    Ugly: She's a lawyer.

    3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
    Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
    Ugly: So are you.

    4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..
    Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
    Ugly: You're in them.

    5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
    Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
    Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

    6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
    Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
    Ugly: He looks better than you.

    7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
    Bad: She keeps interrupting.
    Ugly: With corrections.
    SEMrush
    8. Good: The postman's early.
    Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
    Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

    9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
    Bad: It's another man.
    Ugly: He's your best friend.

    10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
    Bad: As a hooker.
    Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
    Way ugly: She makes more money than you do
     
    Blogmaster, Oct 6, 2005 IP
    SEMrush
  2. larysmith711

    larysmith711 Notable Member

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    #122
    This scares me. :) Why can't they stay little forever.
     
    larysmith711, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  3. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #123
    Cause we all want grandkids one day ;)
     
    Blogmaster, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  4. larysmith711

    larysmith711 Notable Member

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    #124
    I can wait on the grandkids....... I just want to have fun with my kids. Besides thinking about grandkids makes me feel old.

    BTW.... I started a blog for her... I will PM you the URL.
     
    larysmith711, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  5. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #125
    Right on :)
     
    Blogmaster, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  6. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #126
    Sent pics of my daughter .. but her mom says she can't have a blog ;)
     
    Blogmaster, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  7. larysmith711

    larysmith711 Notable Member

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    #127
    Nice Pics.... cute kid. :)

    I see she likes to swim.
     
    larysmith711, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  8. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #128
    Thanks :) Actually, she started swimming when she was 3 1/2. She is #6 in her county in competitions.
     
    Blogmaster, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  9. larysmith711

    larysmith711 Notable Member

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    #129
    The only PIC on my desk is of my daughter on the side of the pool with her swim cap and goggles (I almost typed Google) on.
     
    larysmith711, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  10. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #130
    I sucked at swimming when I was a kid, glad that gene is recessive heh
     
    Blogmaster, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  11. larysmith711

    larysmith711 Notable Member

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    #131
    My wife and I were both swimmers.... we were kind of hoping she would be one too. I don't think we will have to worry.... she is a fish already. You shouls see her swim butterfly.... darn good for a 5.... almost 6 year old.
     
    larysmith711, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  12. ashu

    ashu Banned

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    #132
    Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
    "No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
    A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy."
    "I m afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
    The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
    "What?" asks Clinton, "Isn`t there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
    Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he speaks: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy."
    "Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
    "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn`t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"
     
    ashu, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  13. larysmith711

    larysmith711 Notable Member

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    #133
    I might have to use that for my political site. :)
     
    larysmith711, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  14. dude

    dude Banned

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    #134
    nice one lol..
    :D
     
    dude, Oct 7, 2005 IP
  15. Dominic

    Dominic Well-Known Member

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    #135
    Thanks for all the good jokes ppl, turned out to be a good thread :)
     
    Dominic, Oct 8, 2005 IP
  16. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #136
    I didn't even learn swimming til I was 9 :eek: :p
     
    Blogmaster, Oct 9, 2005 IP
  17. Dominic

    Dominic Well-Known Member

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    #137
    I learnt to swim early, my next door neighbour and friend trained with me and grew up to break a world record (women's 200 breaststroke). Started swimming because she had asthma... what a result!
     
    Dominic, Oct 9, 2005 IP
  18. blackbug

    blackbug Peon

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    #138
    HALLOWEEN "FUNNIES"

    Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
    A: Bamboo.

    Q: What's a haunted chicken?
    A: Poultry-geist.

    Q: Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
    A: Because he was in need of a light snack.

    Q: Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
    A: Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

    Q: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
    A: Boo boos.

    Q: Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
    A: Because of his coffin.

    Q: Why do mummies make excellent spies?
    A: They're good at keeping things under wraps

    Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost after he saw her all dressed up for Halloween?
    A: You look boo-tiful!
     
    blackbug, Oct 10, 2005 IP
  19. jojoyohan

    jojoyohan Peon

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    #139
    Fire Destroys Bush Presidential Library

    WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.

    Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.
     
    jojoyohan, Oct 10, 2005 IP
  20. iskandar

    iskandar Well-Known Member

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    #140
    [​IMG]
     
    iskandar, Oct 10, 2005 IP