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The Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Dominic, Jul 19, 2005.

  1. Roman

    Roman Buffalo Tamerâ„¢

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    #81
    I'll trade it for what's in the box Bob.
    SEMrush
     
    Roman, Aug 25, 2005 IP
    SEMrush
  2. J.P

    J.P Notable Member

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    #82
    Whats the difference between a vitamin and a hormone...

    You cannot hear a vitamin..

    sorry again :(
     
    J.P, Aug 26, 2005 IP
  3. Homer

    Homer Spirit Walker

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    #83
    Here's one for ysf1:

    Q. What do you call and Irishman hanging from the ceiling?

    A. Shawn-dolear
     
    Homer, Aug 27, 2005 IP
  4. Dominic

    Dominic Well-Known Member

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    #84
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs but still likes to swim? Bob.
    What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his arse? Warren.
    What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ileane
    What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other? Irene.
    What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug
    What do you call a man having a fit in the bushes? Russel
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs but can actually still swim? Clever Dick
     
    Dominic, Aug 28, 2005 IP
  5. Roman

    Roman Buffalo Tamerâ„¢

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    #85
    Forgot this one:
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your door? Matt.
     
    Roman, Aug 28, 2005 IP
  6. digimania

    digimania Peon

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    #86
    Why Blondes dial 911

    Coz there's no eleven on the phone

    (You can curse me after this..)
     
    digimania, Aug 29, 2005 IP
  7. e10

    e10 Well-Known Member

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    #87
    Okay, these are Scottish and you really need to be there, but in honour of Dominic's last post,

    A Scottish guy goes into a butchers.

    Jock: Ge' us some pork.
    Butcher: Lean?
    Jock: Gee's some pork.

    Bwahahaha. You really had to be there.

    Scot's guy goes into the butchers:

    Jock: Eeeh, ge'us some chops.
    Butcher: Gigot?
    Jock: Hey man, doop de doo, hey may chop's'll do!

    Aaargh hahah. I know none of you know what the hell I am on about but that fairly cheered me up . :)
     
    e10, Aug 29, 2005 IP
  8. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #88
    Not a joke, but a line I've heard the other day:

    A woman may be able to fake an orgasm, but only a man can fake an entire relationship :D
     
    Blogmaster, Aug 29, 2005 IP
  9. e10

    e10 Well-Known Member

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    #89
    Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?

    To knock the penises off the smart ones.
     
    e10, Aug 29, 2005 IP
  10. Homer

    Homer Spirit Walker

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    #90
    LOL...

    *knock, knock on the door*

    salesman says: May I speak to the man of the house?
    woman says: The man of the house, or the woman that knows what she's doing?

    I know...kinda corny but, trust me, it could have been alot worst! :eek:
     
    Homer, Aug 29, 2005 IP
  11. Dominic

    Dominic Well-Known Member

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    #91
    Dominic, Aug 31, 2005 IP
  12. Dominic

    Dominic Well-Known Member

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    #92
    Q. Why does Dolly Parton have small feet?
    A. It's hard for them to grow in the shade.
     
    Dominic, Sep 20, 2005 IP
  13. mightyb

    mightyb Banned

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    #93
    Whats gray and comes in pints?







    Elephant... (i had to misspell cumes)



    This fish swims into the wall and goes... Dam!

    I just got these two on sms from a police oficer believe it or not *shakes head*
     
    mightyb, Sep 20, 2005 IP
  14. digimania

    digimania Peon

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    #94
    How does a blonde part their hair?
    --By doing the splits.

    I am sorry if you already heard this guys. :(
     
    digimania, Sep 21, 2005 IP
  15. Homer

    Homer Spirit Walker

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    #95
    Well we're on the subject...
    What do you call 3 blondes in the freezer?

    Frosted Flakes.
     
    Homer, Sep 21, 2005 IP
  16. ResaleBroker

    ResaleBroker Active Member

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    #96
    Bobby was getting married in a week, and he never had sex with his girlfriend. He did not want to wait until the honeymoon for his new wife to find out that his penis would not get hard.

    So he went to the doctor, the doctor said, well there is a new surgery that consist of using the muscle of a baby elephant's trunk. Bobby said, Ill try anything, and so he had the surgery.

    One week later bobby was sitting in a resturant with his girfiend. All of a sudden he felt this big bulging pressure in his pants. Out came his penis, rolled across the table, grabbed a biscuit and rolled back in his pants.

    Bobby's girlfriend said oh my god!!! Can you do that again? Bobby said yes I could but I dont know if I can fit another biscuit in my butt.
     
    ResaleBroker, Sep 21, 2005 IP
  17. mightyb

    mightyb Banned

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    #97
    he he he i need to remember that one.
     
    mightyb, Sep 21, 2005 IP
  18. Blogmaster

    Blogmaster Blood Type Dating Affiliate Manager

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    #98
    That's the best one so far :)
     
    Blogmaster, Sep 21, 2005 IP
  19. Homer

    Homer Spirit Walker

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    #99
    I second that
     
    Homer, Sep 21, 2005 IP
  20. blackbug

    blackbug Peon

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    #100
    My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive...
    ...so I took her to the petrol station.

    Yes, bloody awful, I know!
     
    blackbug, Sep 22, 2005 IP