Lol, I've seen this one before but it still brings back memories lol. Good thing my GF isn't like that.
SURE OF ONE THING When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new, or the wife is. hei u 2 comments above me ... making ppl laugh is good .. its smtg better than making ppl shooting! nice to know u anyway ..
Dear Tide Company: I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used Tide throughout my married life; my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was. One thing led to another, and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative; and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative, and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
Jacques, the world’s greatest fighter plane pilot goes into a bar after a long day of fighter plane piloting and quickly meets a lady. A few drinks and a short time later they are back at Jacques’ apartment. Soon enough they a kissing but Jacques stops, grabs some red wine and pours it over her lips. She asks “Jacques, what are you doing?†He replies: “I’m Jacques, the world’s greatest fighter plane pilot and when I have red meat I have to have red wine.†“Oh, how sweet†she comments. Not long after Jacques is a bit lower, kissing her breasts, but again he stops, grabs some white wine and pours it all over her breasts. She yelps “Jacques, what are you doing?†He replies: “I’m Jacques, the world’s greatest fighter plane pilot and when I have white meat I have to have white wine.†“Oh, how sweet†she comments. Not long after Jacques has moved his way down lower. She’s moaning in pleasure when Jacques again stops, grabs some brandy, pours it all over her and lights it on fire. This time she screams Jacques, what are you doing?†“I’m Jacques, the world’s greatest fighter plane pilot and when I go down, I go down in flames.â€
I like this letter better: Dearest Son I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Gander family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. Auntie Maude has sent you a pair of socks she knit, she put a third one in because she heard you have grown another foot since she last saw you. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Jimmy locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Your Favorite Aunt, Mom
Stupid Santa One sardar painfully shouts: “Santa! Your daughter has died!†Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor On reaching 50th floor, he remembers that he doesn’t have a daughter! On reaching 25th floor, he realizes that he is still unmarried!! On reaching 10th floor, he finally understands that he is Banta, and not Santa!!!