Post all your favorite jokes here!! Joke 1 ------------- Dear Abby: My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat. I don't know what to do. Signed Frustrated ---------------- Dear Frustrated: You should dump him. Now that you are finally a New York Senator, you don't need him anymore. Joke 2 --------- What's the difference between women and men? One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.
One summer afternoon, Former President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. After a long road trip, they stopped at a service station to fill up their car with gas. As it turns out, the owner of the gas station was Hillary’s old high school boyfriend. They exchanged hello’s and brief chit-chat before the former White House couple went on their way. As they were making their way back home, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “Well, honey… if you had stayed with him, you would now be the wife of a service station owner.†She smirked and replied, “No Bill, if I had stayed with him… he would have been the President of the United States!â€
Well , The thread becomes "DEAD BIRD" . Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie." Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats. Finally, the banker said, “Preacher, why did you ask us to come?†The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go.â€
Boy: Can I hold your hand? Girl: No thanx. My hand is not so heavy, I can carry it myself. Woman: If I accept your proposal of marriage, will you give me a ring? Man: Of Course, why not? Wait a second, I’m searching your mobile number. Woman: I think those who have no money are the happiest people in the world! Man: Then marry me. We will be the happiest family in the world. Wife: I have decided to will my all properties to the orphans. Husband: I’m the perfect orphan my darling. Patient: Sir, what’s the percentage that I will survive from this disease? Doctor: 100 percent. Generally, 1 out of 10 survives from this disease. In this hospital there were 10 patients like you. 9 of them has already died. You are the 10th.