http://social.answers.microsoft.com/Forums/en-US/vistahardware/thread/720108ee-0a9c-4090-b62d-bbd5cb1a7605 Some guys actually tried to give right/geeky answers ...
An atom goes into a bar. "Give me a drink, I feel like I've lost all my electrons today." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive."
Phrase Translation ------------------------------------------------ It has been long known...............I haven't bothered to check the references It is known..........................I believe It is believed.......................I think It is generally believed.............My collegues and I think There has been some discussion.......Nobody agrees with me It can be shown......................Take my word for it It is proven.........................It agrees with something mathematical Of great theoretical importance......I find it interesting Of great practical importance........This justifies my employment Of great historical importance.......This ought to make me famous Some samples were chosen for study...The others didn't make sense Typical results are shown............The best results are shown Correct within order of magnitude....Wrong The values were obtained empirically.The values were obtained by accident The results are inconclusive.........The results seem to disprove my hypothesis Additional work is required..........Someone else can work out the details It might be argued that..............I have a good answer to this objection The investigations proved rewarding..My grant has been renewed
General Musharaf, Obama,Angelina Jolie and Margaret Thatcher are sitting in a train The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap The train comes out of the tunnel. Both women and Gen Musharraf are sitting there looking perplexed Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Jolie. Musharaf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him" Jolie is thinking: "Musharaf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped" Musharaf is thinking: "Damn it, Obama must have tried to kiss Jolie, she must have thought it was me and slapped my face" Obama is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again
"Some" One liners: There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0 I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly My software never has bugs. It just develops random features Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows? Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax Unix, DOS and Windows...the good, the bad and the ugly A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny C://dos C://dos.run run.dos.run You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!! 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive How do I set a laser printer to stun? There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button It's not bogus, it's an IBM standard Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates ! The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won't mar the furniture COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses The beginning of the programmer's wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBO Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut Unrecognized input, get out of the class Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler ! WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N) Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes Best file compression around: "rm *.*" = 100% compression Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is "c:\> hack into fbi" BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding I survived an NT installation The name is Baud......James Baud My new car runs at 56Kbps Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Cannot read data, leech the next boy's paper? (Y/N) CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? Does fuzzy logic tickle? Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that? Windows: Just another pane in the ass Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk? RAM disk is not an installation procedure Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... The truth is out there...anybody got the URL? Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the 'OK' button to continue Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... Press every key to continue Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where's that 'any key'.. Idiot, Go ahead, make my data! Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so (001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza Computers can never replace human stupidity A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210) (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic? Bugs come in through open Windows Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun Unix is user friendly...its just selective about who its friends are Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone. To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password. Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore ) FUBAR - where Geeks go for a drink I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm just not attracted to her anymore Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning Black holes are where God divided by zero Hey! It compiles! Ship it! Thank god, my baby just compiled Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously Zap! And there was the blue screen ! Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don't use them PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days 1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist 1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied Error message: "Out of paper on drive D:" If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics! A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?" Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall Real programmers can write assembly code in any language Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ? Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that? All computers run at the same speed... with the power off You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else. Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet Shut up, or i'll flush you out Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes. I'm sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that? If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don't understand the question Having soundcards is nice... having embedded sound in web pages is not My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours I'm sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998) Ah, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering What color do you want that database? C++ is a write-only language, once can write programs in C++, but I can't read any of them As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can A typical yahoo chat room: "A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out.." When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives ! NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash How's my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is 'a_49qwXk' New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null Quake and uptime do not like each other Unix...best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038 As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria -- Final Fantasy VIII Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo Unix is the only virus with a command line interface Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system How are we supposed to hack your system if it's always down! God is real, unless declared integer I'm tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week? Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions Please help - firewall burnt down - lost packet - reward $$$ If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption Norton: Incoming virus - (D)ownload and save (R)un after download I had a dream... and there were 1's and 0's everywhere, and I think I saw a 2! You sir, are an unknown USB device driver C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void