I started into webdesign back in '99 and am now approaching 7 years in the industry. Not that I have spent the intire time doing web design. No, for the most part I have had odd jobs; like working in factories, telemarketing, security, food service, and the occasional ditch digging job. My love for the computer came into fruition after spending a childhood ostracised for being different 'I had a lazy eye', and the only way I ever knew how to deal with this and the other children, was to read and read I did. I use to spend every moment of the day reading book after book. The stories I read would range from The Hardy Boys - To the Classics of Liturature. I would emerse myself in those fictional worlds, and become a part of the story. Those were the worlds that interested me "not my own" a world in which I was a nobody. Then, one day back in oh lets say 1993 my grandparents decided to buy a computer. I remember being there when they brought it home, It was a 66MHZ DX Packard Bell with 4MB Ram. I still remember the first time it booted for me. The sounds, the windows 3.11 logo, and the Packard Bell screen. It was something to behold. It was probably a year or so after that before I started to get proficient at it. This is when I found a little program called qbasic. At once, everything seemed to fit. It was never so much that I was programming or writing code. I was designing something 'A work of Art' at least in my mind. Now I had a creative outlit. a way to to define myself. and maybe just maybe become 'someone'. In the end I think that Is all I have ever wanted; to matter, to be counted, and maybe even liked. Recently I turned 27 and I am starting to wonder if maybe that dream will never come true. Will I ever be anyone?, will anyone ever love me? I find myself at times very depressed, and wanting to know what things mean, and why I am here. I tend to get over this and I get back to focusing on getting ahead and forging a path for myself and for the most part my current need to belong to the internet and become a webdesigner stemmed from a need to be secure and happy. I never wanted to work for someone else, crap I hate working for someone else. Yet, I have never been in the position or had the money to truely take off on my own. At this moment I am hedging my bets on some new websites I am developing albiet slowly. I find myself locked in a battle though when I am designing a site. I don't want it to be less that 100% perfect. The design has to be crisp clean and easy to use or I just can't do anything with it. I am stuck on perfection. Maybe that isn't the biggest problem. Not sure why I wrote all this, but I thought I would just get somethings off my chest since I havn't got my blog up anymore. I guess I want a legacy more than anything else. I hope that some of my new projects take off, and that I can at least get out of my current job and spend more time on the things that I love.
That's EVIL monkeyspanker to you. He didn't go to evilmonkeyspanker school for 4 years to be called monkeyspanker...