The Evolution of Junk Mail

stephfoster Well-Known Member

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#1

My sister wrote this yesterday, thought I'd share:

I wrote this after receiving the attached piece of junk mail today. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

Renee

I am currently writing my dissertation on the theory of junk-mail evolution--that mass marketing pieces evolve over time to take on characteristics of more successful forms of mail. This is akin to certain types of butterflies developing the markings of the poisonous monarch to avoid their own destruction, but with a different end in mind. The objective of junk mail is not to avoid consumption, but to promote it. Markings and coloration can often be found which resemble other, more desirable pieces of the mail kingdom.

The specimen pictured here is one example of a breed that has taken on markings designed to ensure its selection for opening and perusal. Note the Federal office-like return address, and the characteristic, business-like "Brown Kraft" coloration, intended to set it apart from white envelopes which often contain bills or less-evolved junk mail. Notice also the blue hash-marked background with darker blue border, and the suggestion of a signature line just visible through the window to the right of the address. These markings are highly suggestive of a check--one of the most successful mail organisms known to science. Particularly in complementary pairing with the words "Disbursements Division" on in the return address, this particular piece of junk mail is well-evolved to fool the casual observer into believing that this is a piece worthy of their attention.

The less-than-casual observer, however, notices that next to the address (smudged here), a telltale is found. The "check" is addressed, not to a particular individual as might be expected of a genuine, government-issue mail article, but rather to a particular individual "or Current Resident". This marking provides proof that this is not a government-issue check, but a member of the genus Epistula Scrutarius, commonly known as "junk mail". Dissection of this specimen proved it to be a member of the species "Vendus Invitadus Automobilius"--also known as the "by invitation only" car sale.

There will be some who may question the entire basis for my dissertation. Is epistolatory evolution a fact? Can there, instead, be some Intelligent Designer, responsible for the astounding diversity we see in the mail kingdom? Mail, some argue, has appeared in substantially the same forms for as long as anyone can remember. The few scraps of junk mail that have survived through the years are surely not proof enough of any evolutionary processes at workâ€”merely examples of forms previously prevalent, but now extinct. However, recent examples of evolution at work have been documented; indeed, the variety known as â€˜spamâ€™ has done away entirely with the envelope, the paper, and the inefficient method of delivery. In addition, â€˜spamâ€™, which thrives in the highly-variable online environment, has visibly evolved in recent years, to include a wide range of adaptive behavior never before imagined. Mutations such as the use of titillating topic strings, high levels of prolificacy, and the deceptive use of misspellings and symbol-laden word-strings such as Vi@gra, and Ci@l!s (which prevent automatic removal by spam-removal software) all provide evidence of this formâ€™s adaptive mechanisms at work.

This specimen, along with many other examples of highly-adapted Epistula will be on display beginning February 31st at the Museum of Mailing Arts in Nigeria, where avid fans of this species are invited to meet afterwards with the Nigerian Finance Minister for a discussion of possible joint business ventures.
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stephfoster, Aug 9, 2005 IP

voltaire Banned

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#2

thanks for the read. it's informational..

voltaire, Aug 9, 2005 IP

forkqueue likes this.

focus3 Peon

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voltaire said:

thanks for the read. it's informational..
Click to expand...

That thought really meritted a post now didnt it? If your user name is voltaire and you are reading this you should stop and think...hey, do I have something to say with a little bit of substance? Or you might be thinking.... why would I read this when I havent read anything else on the board.

focus3, Aug 9, 2005 IP

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The Evolution of Junk Mail

stephfoster Well-Known Member

voltaire Banned

focus3 Peon

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