The 12 Biggest Idiots on DP!

justingh Peon

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#1

Just a bit of fun, hey?

There's no doubt that online forums give the general public a voice on the web. However, they also create ample opportunity for behavior of such extreme jerkitude.
You know what I'm talking about: the know-it-alls, fight-starters, and doctrinaire zealots who seem to frequent every message board on the entire web, using any and every topic as a springboard for their sociopathic gratification.
We've sifted through pages of forum messages to find the most absolutely asinine tactics. So get ready to cringe: on the pages that follow you'll meet our nominees for the 12 biggest pests of the web's online forums.

1. The FIRST! Guy

Maybe we should have saved this character for last, but our first offender is the FIRST! You know the one who answers a thread even if he/she has no idea what they are talking about. I guess you could call them post padders too.

Clever? No. Original? No. Ironically self-mocking in a postmodern deconstructionist kind of way? Uh, no. Puerile? Now you're getting close.
And yet there seem to be multiple FIRST! Guy clones lurking around every forum, ready to share a very important message. Here's hoping that all of these net nuisances find another source of personal pride by their 15th birthday.
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2. The self-promoter

The self-promoter is a message board classic: this bore meanders across the web, leaving thinly disguised comments designed to pimp his own project.
Sometimes, he'll take a stab at making the promotion look incidental: 'Man, that new iPhone software does look fab! You should check out my blog about Windows Mobile here!' But just as often, he'll ditch the preamble and launch straight into the link without even trying to tie it to the subject at hand.

Shameless self-promotion really is the worst - especially when it takes a very tedious link to get reference the promo. The only thing that irks me more is behavioral ad targeting.
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3. The Sermonator

A close relative to the Self-promoter, the Sermonator trolls various comment forums to find some way to divert the conversation to his favourite subject - most often something related to morals, religion, or a particular political view.

You will probably find this one lurking around in the politics and religion forum just waiting to enter into a war or debate on things that don't really matter. They tend to think they can change the world via their opinion on Digital Point.
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4. Mr Credentials

'As someone who has managed Windows-based systems for 15 years', Mr Credentials weighs in with a predictable approach. First he encourages everyone to focus on his superior CV, rather than on the objective reasonableness of his views.
Then he'll launch into a 500-word essay designed to show just how well-versed he is on the subject at hand (or whatever subject he wants to talk about), overwhelming all resistance with the sheer force and volume of his hot air.

And in case his own credentials might be called into question at some point when he has paused to breathe, Mr Credentials likes to cite his authorities by the bushel - quoting them at length, and often adding further excerpts detailing his authorities' authorities.
In fact, his messages are frequently more heavily weighted toward text from famous figures, user manuals, or Wikipedia entries than toward his own original thoughts or opinions.
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justingh, May 10, 2009 IP

justingh Peon

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#2

5. The Antagoniser

I'm sure you all familiar with this one. They lurk around the DP forums just waiting to find something that somebody has posted which is slightly wrong or inacurrate so they can jump straight in a correct them. The antagoniser also tends to lurk around the Politics and religion forum, or BST forum looking to trash others threads.

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6. The Moderator

Taking a slightly subtler approach to making visitors feel unwelcome, the Moderator maintains an air of superiority as he bunkers down each day on a particular site's comment section or message board for another 16-hour stint as archivist-in-residence. As we all know Most of the Moderating seems to take place in the BST forums, God forbid if you bump your thread. They have this huge ban button just ready to be pushed.

Treating the Digital Point Forums as his/her own private gated community, the (self-appointed) Moderator ensures each discussion is safe and pure. He will treat any commenter who has fewer than 200 messages to his name as an undocumented invader who doesn't deserve a spot on his beloved forum, although often lets the bullshit in the General Chat from post padders be overlooked. All of this, we assume, from the comfort of his/her parents' spare room.
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7. Peacekeeper

Another long-standing character common to forums is the Peacekeeper. This guy has been a regular at a particular site as long as the proprietor, but his goal as a participant has somehow devolved from saying something interesting to keeping the peace - and he has no problem peppering every thread with his efforts to intervene as Mr Manners.
'Hey now, that's not appropriate,' he may say. Or, 'Let's watch the language, okay?'.
Though the Peacekeeper's intentions are good, his actions end up clogging the forum with pages of useless and often long-winded discussions of propriety that are every bit as annoying as the attacks themselves.
Worse, unlike the Antagoniser's antics, the Peacekeeper's contributions can be virtually impossible to silence, even if you're the site's moderator. After all, how do you tactfully tell a guy to stop pacifying?

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8. Smarty Pants

There is one particular person I have in mind for this one, but I shan't name names. "It Ain't gonna happen" was a popular catchphrase from this loving character.

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Any queses on this one?

justingh, May 10, 2009 IP

justingh Peon

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#3

9. Fanboy

The Fanboy defends a particular product under any circumstances, no matter what the scenario. He assumes that anyone who fails to praise said product to the skies must be engaged in an irrational vendetta against it - in effect, he sees everyone who isn't a Fanboy as an Anti-Fanboy.
The most common Fanboy tendency is to worship either something (or everything) Apple-related or something (or everything) Microsoft-related.
One unmistakable sign that you're dealing with a Fanboy of this kind - and not with just an enthusiast - is that, even though the object of his affection is ultimately a product for sale, he somehow manages to subordinate technological and monetary considerations to moral imperatives.

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10. The Conspiracy Theorist

This edgy fellow detects conspiracies (or the shadows of conspiracies) in everything he reads, and he has no compunction about publicly sharing his off-kilter suspicions.
The Conspiracy Theorist is often convinced that he's under constant surveillance by the government - for some reason they've singled him out (and even more mysteriously, they haven't bothered to terminate him yet, despite his constant blabbing) - and he sees signs of schemes in the strangest places.

A story about Apple iPhones might inspire him to share how apple is using 'Q-waves' to trace his thought patterns. A blog on the best browsers could trigger a rant about the time he opened Internet Explorer and saw a toxic waste symbol on his home page. I don't pretend to understand how this quirky character's brain works. I can only hope that the tin-foil hat he presumably wears most of the time (though not shown here) helps prevent all those weird waves from escaping his head as well as from entering it.

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11. The Signature Dork

You know the one, Multicolored badly place misleading signatures. Or even stupid quotes placed everywhere.

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12. Johnny One-Word
You know this person, replies such as Nice Info, Great Post, Thankyou, PM? Bin, Sold etc....

justingh, May 10, 2009 IP

gifted warrior Peon

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#4

i dont think u made this on ur own ???

gifted warrior, May 10, 2009 IP

vibinhari Notable Member

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#5

Damn... I was expecting names of idiotic DP members. And watch it you just called all the mods idiots...

vibinhari, May 10, 2009 IP

Kerosene Alpha & Omega™ Staff

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#6

13. The copy and paster

Fills up forums with stuff they've found on the internet.

Kerosene, May 10, 2009 IP

bangalore likes this.

johnrid Peon

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#7

vibinhari said: ↑

Damn... I was expecting names of idiotic DP members. And watch it you just called all the mods idiots...
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I was expecting it too. I thought I could meet mods, mods of the mods on this post...Anyway, nice post if you did all that...

johnrid, May 10, 2009 IP

pipes Prominent Member

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#8

Omg im The Conspiracy Theorist

pipes, May 10, 2009 IP

farooqaaa Well-Known Member

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#9

13. The copy and paster

Fills up forums with stuff they've found on the internet.
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http://www.pcadvisor.co.uk/news/index.cfm?newsid=115377

6. The Moderator

Taking a slightly subtler approach to making visitors feel unwelcome, the Moderator maintains an air of superiority as he bunkers down each day on a particular site's comment section or message board for another 16-hour stint as archivist-in-residence.
He's the cool kid - the site vet who's been around for a long time and knows what's what. Leave a message that repeats something someone else said 16 months ago, and he'll let you know about it within minutes.
'Um, yeah, Newbie0314, we talked about that back when NeverTouchedAWoman24 brought the subject up last May. But thanks for contributing, lol.'

Treating the forum as his own private gated community, the (self-appointed) Moderator ensures each discussion is safe and pure. He will treat any commenter who has fewer than 200 messages to his name as an undocumented invader who doesn't deserve a spot on his beloved forum. All of this, we assume, from the comfort of his parents' spare room.
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The mods will sure love that one.

farooqaaa, May 10, 2009 IP

.htaccess Peon

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#10

a bit funny..
Nice sketches

.htaccess, May 10, 2009 IP

justingh Peon

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#11

farooqaaa said: ↑

http://www.pcadvisor.co.uk/news/index.cfm?newsid=115377

The mods will sure love that one.
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So that would make you "8. Smarty Pants"

I'm sure if the mods have a sense of humor which I'm sure they do they will see the funny side.

13. The copy and paster

Fills up forums with stuff they've found on the internet.
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And what's with the sudden pointing out of copy and pasting on DP. People copy and paste crap all the time and suddenly people are making a big issue that I have shared this with you all. by copying and pasting.

justingh, May 10, 2009 IP

nascar59 Peon

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#12

Thats Cool Its Nice To See Some Sense Of Humor

nascar59, May 10, 2009 IP

RightMan Notable Member

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#13

There is no harm in re-presenting what appeared good to you elsewhere....but you should have introduced a bit of DP flavor yourself to make it little more interesting for members to appreciate it even more!

Your title is misleading and members rushing in by it, is sure to be disappointed to not find any specific input about DP... from your side.

Regards,

RightMan

RightMan, May 10, 2009 IP

wiresaw Active Member

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#14

lol, nice thread. I will guess you didn't create this sketches and contents right? just kiddin..

wiresaw, May 10, 2009 IP

cool_78 Guest

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#15

and here I thought it was members but a very entertaining post it is

cool_78, May 10, 2009 IP

Brian1970 Notable Member

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#16

RightMan said: ↑

There is no harm in re-presenting what appeared good to you elsewhere....but you should have introduced a bit of DP flavor yourself to make it little more interesting for members to appreciate it even more!

Your title is misleading and members rushing in by it, is sure to be disappointed to not find any specific input about DP... from your side.

Regards,

RightMan
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Misleading Title or link bait?

I saw this on another forum sometime back, still worth a laugh.

Thanks Brian

Brian1970, May 10, 2009 IP

justingh Peon

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#17

RightMan said: ↑

There is no harm in re-presenting what appeared good to you elsewhere....but you should have introduced a bit of DP flavor yourself to make it little more interesting for members to appreciate it even more!

Your title is misleading and members rushing in by it, is sure to be disappointed to not find any specific input about DP... from your side.

Regards,

RightMan
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I have now slightly customized a few of them as I had more time now. A prize to the person who guesses who number 8 is?

justingh, May 10, 2009 IP

AnimeFevers Well-Known Member

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#18

Where is "The Flamer" ???

AnimeFevers, May 10, 2009 IP

Bear Grylls Banned

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#19

Kerosene said: ↑

13. The copy and paster

Fills up forums with stuff they've found on the internet.
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Well said.. I'm sick of those

Bear Grylls, May 10, 2009 IP

mdvasanth86 Notable Member

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#20

vibinhari said: ↑

Damn... I was expecting names of idiotic DP members. And watch it you just called all the mods idiots...
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Yeah... I too was expecting the same...

In fact, i had the first name ready in my list the very moment i read it and started thinking of ways to decode it and reveal it in a way that only he and few other members here understand it and not the mods....

Anyways, nice post.

mdvasanth86, May 11, 2009 IP

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The 12 Biggest Idiots on DP!

justingh Peon

justingh Peon

justingh Peon

gifted warrior Peon

vibinhari Notable Member

Kerosene Alpha & Omega™ Staff

johnrid Peon

pipes Prominent Member

farooqaaa Well-Known Member

.htaccess Peon

justingh Peon

nascar59 Peon

RightMan Notable Member

wiresaw Active Member

cool_78 Guest

Brian1970 Notable Member

justingh Peon

AnimeFevers Well-Known Member

Bear Grylls Banned

mdvasanth86 Notable Member

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