I am trying to write a small sales copy on my website to increase the sales on my website. I would like some feedback / critique from more experienced copywriters as to where I can improve and what mistakes I've made. Thanks! Here's the link : http://tinyurl.com/68xhsvf
I'd cut the first sentence and last paragraphs where you mention selling dvds. They weaken the copy. The first sentence leads in with a negative tone and interferes with the goal to inspire further reading. The last paragraphs throw off your call to action. They give extraneous information that the potential buyer doesn't need. You don't have to explain why your prices are low. The middle paragraphs have the most vitality. Tighten up the grammar, and be careful with repetition to keep it potent and focused on the points you're making, and your copy will be stronger.
Hey Filma, just a couple of quick tips. What you did right: - Your story You touched on a lot of pain points your market will probably relate with. You might want to work it into a different part of the copy, but it was good to include this. - Including bullet points Lots of folks go straight to the bullet points before deciding to read the whole page. It's good you included them. What you can improve upon: - Rework your headline. Don't include anything about buying. The best headlines are usually either the biggest benefit, the biggest proof statement or an amalgam of the two. - Include a guarantee. Preferably one with a lot of bite to it. Don't settle for the same old tired "30 day money back guarantee". If you aren't sweating a little as you're writing the guarantee, it isn't strong enough. - Proof You don't have enough. How do I know your DVDs are worth it? Can I stream a sample? Do you have any testimonials? Prove these things are worth my money.