DON’T LOOK AT NAKED LADY Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady? Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I’ll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already! NAMES OF WIVES A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his… 4th wife….. baby doll 3rd wife…..china doll 2nd wife…..barbie doll 1st wife….. panadol ! HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME This is how India got its name….. The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him “is it In Dear?â€â€¦ RESEARCH FINDING Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 papayas women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch! ARAB MAN An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint. ‘Your name pls.’? “Abdul Aziz †“Sex? †“Six times a week!! †“No, no, I mean male or female! †“Doesn’t matters, sometimes even camel !†SERVICE Sex is like a restaurant. Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service†HAPPY MAN What makes a happy man? Daughter on the cover of cosmo. Son on the cover of sports illustrated. Mistress on the cover of playboy and .. Wife on the cover of “missing persons†SWIMSUIT Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented? To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section. GOOD AMBITION Teacher: What do you want to become? Little Johnny: Doctor !! Teacher: Why? Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it. DENTIST Woman complaining to dentist: “It’s so painful, I’ll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.†Dentist: “Make up your mind soon, I’ll adjust the chair accordingly.†VIRGIN Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. The engraver shortened it to: †RETURNED UNOPENED †OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL 75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl. On their first night both were crying - why??? Coz she didn’t know anything, and he had forgotten everything Catch her by her waist… Bring her home.. Keep ur hand on her neck Put ur lips on her lips & have a … …nice drink…PEPSI He came at night, explored my body, got on top of me, touched me, he bit, sucked, swalowd, when he was satisfyed, he left, i was hurt, . . . BLOODY… MOSQUITO !!!! A girl phoned me the other day and said … “Come on over, there’s nobody home.†I went over. Nobody was home Reply With Quote When is the vet busiest? When it rains cats and dogs When don’t you feel so hot? When you catch a cold. What means of transportation gives people colds? A choo-choo train. What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold? One knows the stops, the other stops the nose. Why does a dentist seem moody? Because he always looks down in the mouth. What would you call a small wound? A short cut. Which eye gets hit the most? A bullseye. When a girl slips on the ice, why can’t her brother help her up? He can’t a brother and assist her (a sister) too. What kind of television programme tells you who just broke an arm or leg? A newcast. Women vs Men Friends of Women.. A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend`s apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them… Friends of Men.. A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend`s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them . . . !!!!!!!!! Figure Santa: Darling, years ago you had a figure like Coke bottle. His Wife: Yes darling I still same, only differnece is - earlier it was 300ml, now it’s 1.5 ltr. difference What is the difference between Mother & Wife? Mother brings you into this world crying… & the Wife ensures you Continue to do so!! Full form Santa asked Banta the full form of MATHS. Banta: Mentally affected teachers harassing students. Cold Morning Two men are meeting on the street. “It was very cold this morning.†“How cold was it?†“I do not know exactly, but I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.â€
Hey Western, thanks for posting this jokes collection The most recent joke I heard is not that funny unless you know something about fashion and country music to understand that a rodeo taylor's name was Nudie Cohn and not Naked as I was mislead, LOL
ARAB MAN An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint. ‘Your name pls.’? “Abdul Aziz †“Sex? †“Six times a week!! †“No, no, I mean male or female! †“Doesn’t matters, sometimes even camel !†- This one is the best