ok this is the grottiest one i know that a friend told me. A man and a woman were having sex the man says "gee this is really dry sex, can you do something to liven it up a little" The woman goes into the bathroom, come back 5 minutes later and they have sex again. "Gee this is much better" says the man "what did you do" She replies "I picked the scabs"
Any ppl who enjoy "sick" jokes left on DP? Long time, no see... hmmm, looks like the old "Entertainment" section is now "Movies & Music"
A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents’ room, and he decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth. “DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing?” “It’s ok,” his father replied. “Your mother wants a baby, that’s all.” The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face. Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his father. “DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing now?” “Son, there’s been a change of plan,” his father replied. “Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW.”
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
A man is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says. "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves. Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to the cemetery every night at 9 to pray, and if he dresses up and convinces her he's God, she might have sex with him. That night at 9, the man is in the cemetery hiding behind a gravestone. When the nun approaches in the darkness he jumps out and says "Sister, I am God and I command you to have sex with me." She replies "Well I mustn't deny God. However I want to remain a virgin so I will only take it up the ass." The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Surprise, I'm the guy on the bus" With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise, I'm the bus driver."