Salespage Critique Needed!

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by ludovic115, Dec 26, 2009.

  1. #1
    Hi guys,

    I just have a thing for asking questions all the time regarding a topic. Even, if I were a high authority in a field, I would still ask questions... With the many copywriting talents that differentiate throughout this forum, I would like to know, if anyone can offer suggestions to my salespage.

    It would be mostly appreciated.

    Thanks, and all the best
    -Ludovic

    Salespage ===> Private Label Rights
     
    ludovic115, Dec 26, 2009 IP
  2. Hanz1980

    Hanz1980 Peon

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    #2
    Your sales page looks terrific. Did you do it entirely yourself? Or did you use a pre-made template? Did you use Dreamweaver?
     
    Hanz1980, Dec 26, 2009 IP
  3. Perry Rose

    Perry Rose Peon

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    #3
    *shrugs shoulders* Eh.

    But it is waaaaaay too long. Expect a high bounce rate.
     
    Perry Rose, Dec 27, 2009 IP
  4. b2bmaster

    b2bmaster Member

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    #4
    Its pretty good I think but I am no pro just see allot of them but it might be a bit long....aka repetative
     
    b2bmaster, Jan 4, 2010 IP
  5. eddy234

    eddy234 Active Member

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    #5
    i think it starts good, but towards the end the list you have on it, is way too long and too many words, if I was serious about your product, I need to see more quick fire bullet points and straight to the point information on the product or service you sre offering..What could happen on the sales letter is that people scan them which happens most of the time, because readers are always in a hury to find out quickly what you are offering and how much it is..do you understand?? Otherwise its good..
     
    eddy234, Jan 6, 2010 IP
  6. omshanti

    omshanti Well-Known Member

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    #6
    The point is...

    It's got to be easy for readers to scan through through your page quickly.

    Though long copy converts better. You must be able to drive their attention to the main points.

    I am hopeful. It's a great sales page.

    I dislike the yellow background in the headline. It may convert though it sounds irritating. Highlight it using an arrow graphic or something else.
     
    omshanti, Jan 7, 2010 IP
  7. ericmedem

    ericmedem Peon

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    #7
    Long copy is great...But your copy is long winded...

    Completely dances around the point..Too much fluff speak.

    I don't even know you...Why do I want to hear you make predictions about who I am?

    "You're going to be able to setup a website in just minutes and start profiting from it without too much technical know-how."

    Tighten your bullets up...

    Quickly and easily set up profit pulling websites that GET YOU MONEY...No experience required.

    Once your about 1/3 of the way down the page you get good....But the top is so bad I don't think most people will make it there....

    Go through every paragraph and every line of your copy and ask...."WHO CARES" or "Why do I care" from the prospects perspective. If you cant answer that clearly then get rid of it...or give them a reason to care.
     
    ericmedem, Jan 9, 2010 IP
    ninehigh likes this.
  8. BizDetail

    BizDetail Peon

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    #8
    As others have said, it looks and reads great. Good work!
     
    BizDetail, Jan 12, 2010 IP
  9. johagulo

    johagulo Peon

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    #9
    Well actually there are a few things that you can do. Read some other portions on the net
     
    johagulo, Jan 18, 2010 IP
  10. saintemp

    saintemp Member

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    #10
    This is a good sales page but as the others have said, it is a bit long. So if you make your bullet points shorter and more punchy, it would improve the copy.

    One thing I noticed is that I cannot find your price easily. I am not talking about the $4.95 trial, I'm referring to the price after the trial period. Did you purposely obscure it? One thing many people do is read the headline, then if they already know what kind of product it is, they would scroll down to the end to look for the price. So if you do not make your full price easy to find, some visitors may just leave your site.

    I suggest you display your full price i.e. $4.95 for 14 days and then $______ every 30 days. And write some copy comparing this price with the actual price of all your bonuses if they are bought separately to show what a bargain it is to pay the price you are asking for.
     
    saintemp, Jan 18, 2010 IP