The rules to be followed by women are good and funny but I don't know how many will follow the advice. Are there rules for men?
I think you left off the MOST important part of your post - Rules for men 1. Call. 2. Don't lie. 3. Never tape any of her body parts together. 4. If a guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. 5. If a guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. 6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes." 7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?" 8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. 9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad. 10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad. 11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad. 12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony. 13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. 14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed. 15. Her cooking is excellent. 16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking. 17. Soap is your friend. 18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean. 19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. 20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. 21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?" 22. Two words: clean socks. 23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. 24. Burping is not sexy. 25. You're wrong. 26. You're sorry. 27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is. 28. Ditto for your discourse on football. 29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. 30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad. 31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. 32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist. 33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. 34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue. 35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm. 36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. 37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it. 38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. 39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't. 40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often. 41. Always, always suck up to her brother. 42. Think boxers. 43. Silk boxers. 44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names. 45. Don't try to change the way she dresses. 46. Her haircut is never bad. 47. Don't let your friends pick on her. 48. Call. 49. Don't lie. 50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything. I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am. I don't live on Budweiser, Beer nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my erections; I won't drive to Hell before asking directions. I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown; And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down. I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt. My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut. I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch; or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch. I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind. I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing-- and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting. Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back. And when I bend over You can't see my crack. I'm a woman, alas-- and I'm proud, don't you see? I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball. I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks-- I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think with my dick. I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am! I'm so glad I'm a woman, Not a man, yes I am! Author Unknown
This was pretty damn funny. Me and my hubby sat here and laughed, because I am not anything like 90% of this. I'm not your typical gal. But seriously, if I was... I have to pick one don't I - You don't fall half way into the potty when the seat is down.
Hell hath no fury... Is that experience speaking? And spoil it... no way What about feeding? Cant do that without disobeying Rule 2 Finally we agree on something remember your Rule 2 Phew I'm tired, anybody else wanna take over for me?
Someone posted on www.HolyShit.cc yesterday a very fitting post that I will include in this thread since it fits nicely.
Ok... It's getting late. I wanted to write more, but I'm running out of time... Here goes.. sheilasultani: LOL! Ok... lemme add something here. Men who live like the original poster are obviously living with typical, superficial women. How about rules for both? 1. Girls: Don't go asking your man if you're fat in your outfit. Damn, he is going to be compelled to say "no" regardless. If you absolutely have to some outside assurance (why?) then ask your girlfriends or siblings. Better yet, wear what you like and feel good in it. 2. Guys burp, guys fart...they don't hide it. It's part of nature. Girls - you do it too! Who gives a foot if you do. If they don't like it, well they shouldn't and they are only looking skin deep. 3. --Quote--- "When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. really." Thanks! When we go to meet your office buddies, your boss, your family (Oh, have you ever reached that point with a woman?) we can wear cut off, bleached jean shorts... a torn tank top, and flip flops right? You don't care... 4. -- Quote again -- "If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle." Well this goes back to one of his previous rules.... Smart girls like me DON'T ask, because we know you're going to try to skip past the problem and solve it. 5. Guys – If ya love the girl, take a big 10 minutes out of your day to try to understand something new about her. Chances are she is constantly trying to understand you. Of course, if you are a Dallas Cowboys fanatic, and you have been together for two years… yet she still won’t let you watch the big game… there needs more communication. 6. –Quote—“You can either ask us to do something, Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.†Oh geesh. This is the most commonly used way to get out of doing anything. You ask me to do something; I won’t pretend to be insufficient just to get out of it in the future! I work, clean, fix shelves and drawers, I put broken things back together. I don’t cry “ I can’t do it†(like girly girls.. I worked on USMC jets!), however.. . I don’t cry for my hubby to do shit either.
Hah... zanks If that question were directed at moi.. yes I have both and now I've got to get some shut eye.. so can I ignore you some other time? vgal I'll take you on later And TrafficSales didn't get time to read most of your post so, are you with us or with them?
Then it aint no surprise your hair looks like this Adorable smile though (desperately tryin to get in vgals good graces)
I inspire people ( that smiley is nowhere near the grin on my face) note to self: When the f are you gonna friggin inspire yourself?