Review My First Squeeze Page Please

Discussion in 'Websites' started by oceanline, Apr 28, 2007.

  1. #1
    I just finished it, and will work on it more, please tell me what you guys think and what should be changed?

    http://freemagic.freehostia.com/

    (Yes link will be changed too lol)
     
    oceanline, Apr 28, 2007 IP
  2. 8everything

    8everything Peon

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    #2
    The URL doesn't work...
     
    8everything, Apr 29, 2007 IP
  3. oceanline

    oceanline Active Member

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    #3
    Oh sorry I changed it should work now
     
    oceanline, Apr 29, 2007 IP
  4. EdwardM

    EdwardM Peon

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    #4
    Banner

    I didn't get this at first. You don't want to make your visitor think too much - I would make the graphic much more blatent in terms of what you're promoting. Or even remove it altogether.

    Headline(s)

    More benefits (sizzle) needed I think. Perhaps combine the headline & subheads -

    "Become the talk of a party with my amazing floating cigarette trick."
    "Delight your friends by reading their minds!"
    "Make friends and become the center of attention with my simple yet amazing tricks that even your granny could learn"

    (Okay, so I'm not a copywriter but you get the idea...)


    Magic Floating Cigarette Video

    LOL - Ok, this one had me interested! Not quite enough to sign up but almost (and I'm not even that interested in magic!)


    Testimonial

    Nice. Could use a few more.


    Bullet Points

    I think these would be better before the testimonial. Again, more sizzle needed.


    Area 51 Teaser Video


    Would be nice if there was a screenshot (pic) of this, just to get an idea of what it actually is.


    Miscellaneous

    "YES please sign me up for the Free 3 day" may be better as "YES, I want the Free 3 day"

    "Simply fill out the form below" may be better in a smaller font than the subheading and on a new line. Possibly also change it to include a benefit - "Simply fill out the form below and you'll be amazing your friends in just 3 short days..."


    Overall

    Nice. Damn, I want to know how you do that floating cigarette trick. hehe.
     
    EdwardM, Apr 30, 2007 IP
  5. oceanline

    oceanline Active Member

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    #5
    Great man thanks for the advice!

    I really wish I would have started or learn more about squeeze pages and building a list years and years ago!

    I will make changes with your advice!

    I love your headline idea!
     
    oceanline, Apr 30, 2007 IP
  6. marketingtipz

    marketingtipz Peon

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    #6
    marketingtipz, Jan 26, 2009 IP