Request for comments on my sales page

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by zachbb, Jun 9, 2007.

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  1. #1
    zachbb, Jun 9, 2007 IP
  2. sadhivm

    sadhivm Guest

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    #2
    well until you start sending traffic to it - its impossible to tell. only your target audience can tell you how well or how bad the sales letter is

    why don't you have three versions? each having say a different headline. often the headline alone can make a big difference

    alter the p.s. at the bottom to make a really irresistable offer

    i did not read the sales letter but if you have not included an offer that is just a "no brainer" then that is something that you need to consider

    other than that - its a case of testing, testing, testing and testing some more

    but when you do test, test one thing at a time and track the results
     
    sadhivm, Jun 9, 2007 IP
  3. southwark

    southwark Member

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    #3
    It took a long time to load in my browser - and that's the
    first time I've ever seen a popup load in slices (if that's what
    they were).

    Phil
     
    southwark, Jun 9, 2007 IP
  4. marketjunction

    marketjunction Well-Known Member

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    #4
    I'm not going to help much, but you need to rethink the letter. Just who are you writing this to?

    I'll give you a little start. Your first big headline in the letter body says:

    "Domainers miss 98% of opportunities to sell!"

    What the hell is a "domainer?" You see, you've got it mixed up. On one hand, you're writing this to tell someone about making money though domains and on the other hand you're writing lines like this, which are directed to people who already know about making money with domains.

    And what the heck is "dramatically increase" in my profits? Will my money put on a play of Shakespeare as it flows into my wallet?

    Okay, I KNOW that many use little sayings like this, but when you think about them, they are funny. My real point was that you can work to turn off the "I've seen this crap before" filter by changing it.

    Go back over the letter and first decide just who are you talking to and write to that person. Second, go back over the letter and think about what you're actually saying word-for-word.

    Is "dramatically increase" really the best option? No.

    Okay, one more.

    You're saying that what you're trying to sell me used to be an insider secret, but NOW it is NOT.

    This should be reworded. It's too open-ended. Make it stronger.

    Good luck!
     
    marketjunction, Jun 9, 2007 IP