Raw Honest Truth Of Sales Copy, Please!

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by MasterStockGuru, Oct 18, 2010.

  1. #1
    Hi, I'm wondering if you could do me a small favor?

    I just recently launched a website that promotes a weekly stock pick newsletter here: http://www.masterstockguru.com

    The site went live last Tuesday and I have already begun to make sales, but the conversion rate is not nearly as high as I believe it can and should be.

    I'd really appreciate it if you could take a quick look at the webpage and sales copy and give me your first impressions. If you find anything that doesn't sit right with you or have concerns that are not addressed in the sales copy, please let me know.

    I've already set up a A/B test with Google's Website Optimizer, but it's only been running for about a day, so no real front runner has been established yet.

    Thanks a lot for the help. I really appreciate it.

    Cheers.
     
    MasterStockGuru, Oct 18, 2010 IP
  2. Mark M. Bravura

    Mark M. Bravura Peon

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    #2
    Raw Honest Truth Of Sales Copy, Please! Ok, here goes. For starters, get rid of the blocky red headline lettering - highly condescending. Second - to a lesser extent excepting the ones with photos, and though they may in fact be real... your testimonials feel canned (no website links). Third, the sales page is WAY too busy. Perhaps consider breaking it up into a table of contents, with info spread across multiple pages. That is my gut level observation. Hope it helps and best of luck!

    Mark
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2010
    Mark M. Bravura, Oct 18, 2010 IP
  3. Perry Rose

    Perry Rose Peon

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    #3
    You are talking way too much on that page. Cut it in half.

    The only exception would be if you are offering free advice, to show that you know what you are talking about.

    The "51K" is not believable. I wouldn't even mention a dollar figure. Say things like, "make enough to pay your bills." THAT they will believe.

    The guy under the testimonials looks like a nerdy dork.

    "Master Stock Guru" sounds lame, unprofessional.

    That's just for starters.

    Needs work.
     
    Perry Rose, Oct 19, 2010 IP
  4. MasterStockGuru

    MasterStockGuru Peon

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    #4
    Thanks for the input, Mark and Perry.

    Using the feedback from you, Mark, I have completely revamped the website, which you can now check out here: www.masterstockguru.com

    I think I have managed to make the page a lot more readable and easy to navigate by adding a lot more whitespace, changing from a Red to Green theme, getting rid of the entire distracting testimonial column, and adding several anchors.

    Let me know what you think.

    This is the first chance I've had of seeing you post, Perry, so first off, thank you for checking out my site and sending in your feedback. My field of expertise, as I'm sure you've easily pieced together, is NOT in copywriting, so this has been an interesting past week for me to say the least. :)

    I'm going to begin implementing your suggestions right away and will give you an update when it has been completed.

    Thanks again, guys.

    Cheers!
     
    MasterStockGuru, Oct 19, 2010 IP
  5. Mark M. Bravura

    Mark M. Bravura Peon

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    #5
    Hi David,

    Definitely more aesthetically pleasing, and less busy. The green in the headline was a nice touch. The testimonials also definitely feel more real. I'll get back to you on the copy itself when I can completely focus on it.

    Mark
     
    Mark M. Bravura, Oct 19, 2010 IP
  6. Thomas Maxwell

    Thomas Maxwell Peon

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    #6
    Hello David

    I feel that you have too many links in your sales letter. This was rather distracting for me when i read it. It took me to another place on your letter to see the proof ect. I think the links interrupts the flow of your story.

    Hope this helps
     
    Thomas Maxwell, Oct 19, 2010 IP
  7. MasterStockGuru

    MasterStockGuru Peon

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    #7
    Thanks for the info, Thomas.

    I thought it might be a good idea to get peoples attention at certain spots when their "BS Flags" were most likely being risen, but I'm glad to hear an honest response from you that suggests the opposite.

    Also, I'm going to pick apart the sales copy to make sure I emphasize the fact that we at not stock market "miracle" workers. While it is true that we have collectively made over $1,000,000 by trading stocks, we can and do sometimes take losses as well, and I think that point should definitely be put across.

    Perry, instead of adding more text to what I can agree with is already a fairly healthy read, I am going to immediately record 2 or 3 short audios and put links near the top of the page where we discuss a little bit about our trading techniques, and how they are so profitable. Do you think that would be a good idea?

    Any additional input would be incredibly appreciated.

    Cheers, and Thanks Again.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2010
    MasterStockGuru, Oct 19, 2010 IP
  8. omarabid

    omarabid Well-Known Member

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    #8
    Your website just looks like the others. People got enough of Spam not to believe any site that looks just like the one they get scammed with.

    I think you should take another approach. Change the design completely, and also the content. Instead of make millions of $$, just make a few hundred a month. And people will pay $99 for making $100/month. That is, make it sound real and not usual. The usual Scam.

    Build a following, no one will trust you. Trust has gone in the Internet and also in the stock market. Train a following to trust you before selling to them. Web masters that sold $90K worth of copies in few days have spent months training and giving free blog posts.

    It's a long road and you shouldn't be afraid. Hope I gave you good advice.
     
    omarabid, Oct 23, 2010 IP
  9. MasterStockGuru

    MasterStockGuru Peon

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    #9
    Thanks for the input, Omarabid.

    Your words are very true indeed.

    I have received PM'd advice from others who have recommended a very similar course of action as you have, and I am now inclined to believe that it is the correct one.

    Thanks again.
     
    MasterStockGuru, Oct 23, 2010 IP
  10. smallbusinessguy

    smallbusinessguy Peon

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    #10
    If you have made that much money, why not hire a pro copywriter to take care of the writing for you? I'd definitely take note of what omarabid said f I were you (Nice to know that you already decided to do it. Just stick to it)
     
    smallbusinessguy, Oct 24, 2010 IP