Please review my sales page.

Discussion in 'Websites' started by jammy467, Sep 21, 2008.

  1. #1
    Hi,

    I've spent a lot of time putting together a sales page for a product. I've read lots of stuff and looked at what others say and do.

    This is my first full attempt at doing it all myself.

    Be gentle with me!!!!

    Http://www.intrepreuner.com

    Thanks Guys,

    Tim
     
    jammy467, Sep 21, 2008 IP
  2. geegel

    geegel Well-Known Member

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    #2
    The first thing that I would change would be the font size of the title and the second would be the image. I had to scroll down about 4 times before I could even figure out what you were selling.

    Also the copywriting needs some heavy rework. There is no sense of urgency and you fail to achieve that state of suspended disbelief. Try to follow this recipe: present problem, agitate, solve. It's as old as marketing, it's not necessarily the most effective, but you'll see better results.

    The domain name too is slightly misplaced. Nobody can really remember it.

    Good luck with your business.

    Regards, George
     
    geegel, Sep 21, 2008 IP
  3. ckckckckck

    ckckckckck Peon

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    #3
    ya same with george, I had to scroll down about 4 times before I could even figure out what you were selling.

    make it simple..:D
     
    ckckckckck, Sep 21, 2008 IP
  4. ADI33

    ADI33 Peon

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    #4
    Great attempt! Simplify it and make it more attractive (font or colour).
     
    ADI33, Sep 21, 2008 IP
  5. Flashnest

    Flashnest Peon

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    #5
    You need to get straight to the point. It looks like most of the other advert pages you find on the web. A good advert needs to be simple and as short as possible. Just try it again but keep it shorter. (Maybe have some text on top of the imagery so the imagery is in the background)? I got bored after the first scroll down and I still don't know what it is your trying to sell..... sorry for being harsh but if you want to succeed expect honest criticism.
     
    Flashnest, Sep 21, 2008 IP
  6. farangkwaiyai

    farangkwaiyai Guest

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    #6
    you should try and at least optimise it so you get some traffic for free
     
    farangkwaiyai, Sep 21, 2008 IP
  7. Ecreation

    Ecreation Active Member

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    #7
    The image and the image-text below it has been blurred a little, rest is nice. Try to add some testimonials.
     
    Ecreation, Sep 22, 2008 IP
  8. AnonymousUser

    AnonymousUser Peon

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    #8
    I think it looks good personally, But I havnt designed landing pages before so im just judging from other landing pages ive seen
     
    AnonymousUser, Sep 22, 2008 IP
  9. ChristianSS

    ChristianSS Peon

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    #9
    I think you did a pretty good job!
     
    ChristianSS, Sep 22, 2008 IP
  10. cport1

    cport1 Peon

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    #10
    looking good. I love that domain name you got.
     
    cport1, Sep 22, 2008 IP
  11. specialist83

    specialist83 Peon

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    #11
    improve your website design, its seems like a fake page.
     
    specialist83, Sep 22, 2008 IP