Hi I created this a journal style 1st person vampire story. Any comments would be welcome. I want to keep it very simple http://www.vampire-life.co.cc/
I visited your blog. I really like the view of the seashore. I am too new to make other comments. Although the color scheme seems appropriate for a vampire. Theresa Newell
I think you should use a darker theme for this kind of blog. The theme fits if you want too keep a diary of sorts of a normal person, but I think different shades of gray and red would fit more a Vampire's atmosphere Rating: 3.5/5
Ah..it's nice to see a proper vampire journal for a change. You story ended a bit early I think. Something I will let you in on... you need to be a bit more detailed if you want this to take off. It's great so far, but the more detailed you are, the more easily you will capture the imagination of someone. For example this part: "Thinking back to ‘that night’, I can’t help feeling that Darksun’s’ attack was premeditated and not by random chance. I’m pretty sure I had seen him earlier in the day back in town. There were other people scattered on the beach. Older and without dogs that might come to there defense." Here are some questions to ask yourself: What night? Was it dark, cloudy, near dawn, or middle of the night? Who is Darksun? Sure you may have talked about him in previous posts, but if someone landed on that page as I did, I won't know who he is. Unless I started at the beginning. What attack was premeditated and what happened? If it was me I would say: 'Thinking back to ‘that night’ sends shivers down my spine. It was a night that foretold of past memories and deadly intentions. I can remember looking at the sky on the horizon, the last embers of daylight fading away. Why I stood there enthralled at it's dying beauty, I don't really know but what happened next was so unexpected. The attack happened so sudden and thinking back to it now, it probably was premeditated and not by some random chance. The flash of pain that grabbed the back of my head, as a glimpse of pure evil(beauty) met my eyes, really made me froze up for a second. Perhaps I imagined things and perhaps not. As a vampire Darksun’s’ attack was unexpected but here I stand, lost in my memories, unsure whether I actually saw him in the town earlier on that day when the attack happened. No, it's my imagination. The last thing I could remember was the fact that there were lots of people walking about, older couples without dogs that might come to my defense. But no... the blackness of nothingness greeted me with sure finality.' You could go in to describing the attack in more detail or whatever you feel like. It's just your story is compelling...I just feel there are some things missing from it if you know what I mean. You don't have to be a great writer to be able to describe things. The easiest exercise is is to look at a situation, character or object and just describe what you see. Think of words that project the beauty or ugliness of the person, object or situation.