Hi, I would appreciate your reviewing my ad copy and giving suggestions to increase sales because, for some reason, it does not sell that well. The site is: http://www.propaidemail.com/pages/emailmarketing.php Thanks, Ryan
I'll give you one item. 1. Your headline doesn't match your offer. In your headline, you're saying that you'll help me find people who want to receive my email. However, your offer is to send my message to your list. They aren't the same thing. Change the headline to match the offer. I'm sure others will chime in. Good luck with it.
It took me until paragraph 7 to find out that "ProPaidEmail offers affordable email marketing!" I like things short and sweet (I'm not a fan of the long sales letter), so I think you should get to the meat a little faster, but others may disagree. Also, I think you went a little wild with the bold function. 4 consecutive lines of bold is too much bold.
I don't like the entry header. You make it sound as though you already have 41,000 people waiting for my email but then you go on to say that you will help me find them. Sounds contradictory. I would get rid of the "We'll help you find them" part. You state the problem within the first three paragraphs (ineffective email campaigns) but it feels like you are taking a long time to state the solution (your services). I agree with Power Writer. The fourth paragraph is probably where you should start marketing your services. Good luck.
The look of the site is dated. There are tons of free templates out there that can help this. The others have commented on the copy. I also think it needs some work and your first order of business is to make it clear at the get go.