Hi Again. Ok, so I took a bit of criticism from some great DP members and have revised my email copy. A bit of background - This is for my website www.RealEstateWhangarei.co.nz and is targeting Real Estate Agents. Any feedback would be much appreciated.
Way, way, way, way to long. Keep it short and interesting. You have a fraction of a milli second to catch the readers interest. Nobody is going to read to the end to see your offer. You intro is way to abstract. You are not explaining anywhere in this letter the benefits with listing on YOUR site. You are just explaining the benefits of the internet. Keep it short and to the point. Tell the reader that they can list all their properties for $200. Then explain very carefully and quickly WHY it is worth their while to give you 200 bucks. You have to explain all the fantastic benefits of YOUR site, preferably in bullet points. There is more to say, but this is so fundamental so I will start here. Feel free to edit and post again and I promise to comment again.
I thought the same thing. The first little bit sounded good, but then I got bored with it in a hurry. Get to the point quickly, so you'll have them hooked.