Sorry but I've got to agree with BILZ. I never read sales pages in that format, they seem to long and you see them everywhere. Maybe if you tried something a bit more original, for example use nice graphics and compress all the points into easy-to-read bullet points. This may make people think your product is a bit more unique, and not just like the rest of the eBooks and other rubbish available. Remember: You can have the best product in the world but if marketed incorrectly you may not sell anything.
hmm some interesting points there... I'n on to giving you guys something nice to look at will be ready soon...
The sales copy lacks credibility. The headlines are too big and the copy itself has too much hype to be taken seriously. I know that headlines that end with a question mark are popular, but they seem terribly ineffective. Anyway try getting rid of the "powerful", "secret", "millionaires" and stuff like that. Nobody will fall for it, even if it's the plain truth. You have to level with your visitors and right now you seem on an overdose of caffeine. Build gradually the message and try to hook up the readers first with some facts or a more toned down style. Hope this helps. Best regards, George
I can see what you were trying to do. You followed the same marketing forumla that everyone on clickbank uses. Whilst this works for the average clickbank product I think you need to realise your target audience. The average joe has no idea what web 2.0 is so your target audience is more likely to be webmasters (the kind of people who hang out on digitalpoint). This means you can't produce the same type of sales copy that you would for an average internet user. I think most people on here see a sales page like that an immediately associate it with some crappy ebook. i would completely rework it. You don't need that all that text and the bold headlines look cheap, what you need is some credibility. A nice design with bullet points and features would be alot better. Maybe you could include some sample tutorials as well. Personally if i was going to market something like this (and i do have a little experience), then i would find some webmasters with blogs which get a lot of targeted traffic. Send them a free copy and in return ask them to post a review (with a backlink) on their blog.
Hey Peeg, I like the fact that you were trying to go the old fashioned "Sales Copy" and I think you should stick to your guns. The fact is - if you don't have an already Branded Company - these Sales Letters WILL, in fact, attract much more attention and increase your Sales Ratio. So, I'm going to be honest here so you know what's REALLY wrong. 1) Your headline sucks. Sorry but it's too weak... do you have a swipe file that you can refer to? Check out other headlines from guys like Michel Fortin...he wrote the sales page for products such as: www.TrafficSecrets.com 2) The fonts you're using are too plain... the Red headline is cool but you have your Sub headline almost the same size as your Headline. 3) Get rid of that cartoon image... it takes away from the page. Add a real image or something. 4) You mention Web 2.0 too much... I know, that's what you're selling but it gets a little redundent. Other than that - the rest looks fine "for now". I say fix some of the first problems and go from there... The headline is the most important. Don't listen to the other guys if you like this style...it IS what sells on and offline and has been doing so for centuries.
Thanks for the comments, especiall yours Clenard. I have been toying with the idea of a "whole website approach" such as that on http://badder-adder.net. I have tried to include a deinifition from my E-Course in the page to give the webmasters an idea of what it is...but evidently it isn't enough... Do you think that it would be worth modelling a proper site like Badder-Adder?
Peeg, this does not sell with this audience. It only gives the impression that you are lying, you lack credibility, and that your content is probably rubbish. The truth is to be said, and whether you like me saying the following or not, you are lying, you have zero credibility, and you're definitely trying hard to deceive your ''fellow'' Internet Entrepreneurs. If I were you, I would go enjoy my ''so many new houses, new Ferrari cars, and rock on the parties'' that your tiny Web 2.0 website made you afford. You are stealing, like 99.9% of the sellers who use such sales copies. People work hard to afford $97, not just tell lies like you, in case you did not know that. Only those who know nothing about the web would buy your book. Is it that hard to be legitimate and explain your product with no lies and laughing all the way to the bank? Shame on you and my first red is going your way.
Think what you want mate I've got red already so it doesn't bother me. I have had numerous testimonials which both complement and congradulate me on what a good product this is. Acusing me of lying does nobody any good. Lying in advertising is a Big no-no and nothing I have put in my copy I beleive is a lie, as if I thought it were one...it wouldn't be in there. Pitty you've decided to slag of established members mate...good luck on DP if you don't get banned soon.
Your sales copy was full of lies just an hour ago, but I see that you have removed them. It certainly looks better without the parts talking about the so many new houses, so many new cars, the parties, the Ferrari, and laughing all the way to the bank. I am really glad to see you remove them, it means that my comment has had some good effect on you. Regarding not being bothered by the red, it's normal. People like you care not about their credibility. Definitely saw that coming. Anyway, the changes you have made are nice, and will definitely get you customers. See? It is not that hard to use honest words. Thanks for the red back, at least I helped. Keep it this way, don't use the old one. Take care buddy, and thanks for wishing me good luck on DP. (I see that you are very established on DP, your rep makes it very clear.)
yo man please dont be affended but the site looks very cheesy the first impression i got was of a sleezy insurance salesman trying desperately to sell me something this automatically will create antagonism I think you should try a different design approce for your site. cheers mate
its like similar to other such sites i surf , sort of ebook sale ones, seems fine for the target section which you want to cater.
Sorry - I opened it & hit the close button within 2 seconds - just looks like one of the hundreds of spam mails I receive daily
Thanks for your constructive comments. @Save-A-Family...Your post did mention about lies yes, but I have to say that they were not "lies" they were over-exaggerations. I changed it because numerous others had picked up on the problem too, and when I read over it I actually saw where you were coming from. Calling someone a liar with "zero credability" is something that can get you killed in certain countries. Luckily I don't have my own secret service...but you have to watch what you say to people. Thanks again