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Please Critique My Letter For Selling My Domain Name

Discussion in 'Reviews' started by highbids, Jul 18, 2016.

  1. #1
    I'm going to be sending this E-mail letter out to cyber security companys
    to see if they would like to buy this domain I own & would like to have
    it looked over before I waste my time sending it out.




     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 18, 2016
    highbids, Jul 18, 2016 IP
  2. WLEadmin

    WLEadmin Active Member

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    #2
    You need to put the domain name in the message.
    You need to set a price.
    You need to use a grammar checker.

    As it stands, you're expecting them to do all the work. Make it easy for them.
     
    WLEadmin, Jul 18, 2016 IP
  3. highbids

    highbids Well-Known Member

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    #3
    I tried to put the domain name into the post & digitalpoint would not let me do it.

    I'll set a price & use a grammar checker.

    Besides those issues how does the copy look for my first draft of it.

    Gary
     
    highbids, Jul 18, 2016 IP
  4. Spoiltdiva

    Spoiltdiva Acclaimed Member

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    #4
    You used two '' on the "there's", change that to one.(3rd line) Also on the second "their" you spelled it "there".(4th line) Simple mistakes like this appear unprofessional.
     
    Spoiltdiva, Jul 18, 2016 IP
  5. highbids

    highbids Well-Known Member

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    #5
    Is this one better than the last one

    Gary


    Hi,

    I own this domain name called (Can't Post My Website Links)

    This is a great domain name for a company that does online
    security scans for websites.

    There"s always news about the big name retailers & financial
    sites getting hacked & all there customers data gets stolen.

    If your interested in purchasing this domain name email me back
    with a offer & I'll consider it.
     
    highbids, Jul 18, 2016 IP
  6. Smyrl

    Smyrl Tomato Republic Staff

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    #6
    There"s should be there's. If formal writing do not use ampersands, write out the word and. I would drop the word back as well.
     
    Smyrl, Jul 18, 2016 IP
  7. Spoiltdiva

    Spoiltdiva Acclaimed Member

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    #7
    How many times do you have to be told? It's "There's"....if I had to correct you twice like this and you worked for me, you would be fired.
     
    Spoiltdiva, Jul 18, 2016 IP
  8. WLEadmin

    WLEadmin Active Member

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    #8
    Honestly? It looks like what it is: sales spam. On the positive side, it's short and to the point, so at least it's a quick read. Adding more would just add to the annoyance factor.
     
    WLEadmin, Jul 19, 2016 IP
  9. Drill.Hilt

    Drill.Hilt Banned

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    #9
    Yeah you'er right and i like your advice.
     
    Drill.Hilt, Jul 19, 2016 IP