I'm going to be sending this E-mail letter out to cyber security companys to see if they would like to buy this domain I own & would like to have it looked over before I waste my time sending it out.
You need to put the domain name in the message. You need to set a price. You need to use a grammar checker. As it stands, you're expecting them to do all the work. Make it easy for them.
I tried to put the domain name into the post & digitalpoint would not let me do it. I'll set a price & use a grammar checker. Besides those issues how does the copy look for my first draft of it. Gary
You used two '' on the "there's", change that to one.(3rd line) Also on the second "their" you spelled it "there".(4th line) Simple mistakes like this appear unprofessional.
Is this one better than the last one Gary Hi, I own this domain name called (Can't Post My Website Links) This is a great domain name for a company that does online security scans for websites. There"s always news about the big name retailers & financial sites getting hacked & all there customers data gets stolen. If your interested in purchasing this domain name email me back with a offer & I'll consider it.
There"s should be there's. If formal writing do not use ampersands, write out the word and. I would drop the word back as well.
How many times do you have to be told? It's "There's"....if I had to correct you twice like this and you worked for me, you would be fired.
Honestly? It looks like what it is: sales spam. On the positive side, it's short and to the point, so at least it's a quick read. Adding more would just add to the annoyance factor.