please check my text script for video tutorial

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by ernest1a, Aug 13, 2008.

  1. #1
    Hi everybody! I would like to ask you for a favour. I am not a native English speaker and would like to check if there is any grammar mistake in text which is a script for speaker for video tutorial. Please check and comment it. Thank you!

    text:
    "Hi, I'm Nick. Welcome to [name of portal]. Let's go on a tour!

    [name of portal] is about different places, people from those places and their customs. You can discover or explore famous cities like Paris, Rome and Rio de Janeiro, or idyllic locations which you have never heard of before.

    Most important, you can find somebody from the place you want to visit. A person who lives there must know a lot about that location. And not just that! You can also find a free hosting or a person who will guide you or making you company.

    [name of website] gives you all the information you need for a location. And if any information you need is not posted yet, you can simply send an automatic request to all our members from there.

    Even if you don't plan to travel yourself, you can use [name of website] to show the world where you live and to share photos, videos, updates and other information.

    All members have a Profile and a Location card. Everybody from the same place can edit that Location, adding new sections with text, photos or videos. It can be very funny to build a page of your living place together with many other members near you.

    Behind that it is a fully secured network system.The system calculates members' credibility scores, so only credible members can contact other credible members.

    So it is useful, fun and also highly secured.
    Ready to start? [name of portal]!"
     
    ernest1a, Aug 13, 2008 IP
  2. vK3

    vK3 Active Member

    Messages:
    198
    Likes Received:
    2
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    70
    #2
    Hey there Ernest,

    I made a few changes, hope their helpful!

    ext:
    "Hi, I'm Nick. Welcome to [name of portal]. Let's go on a tour!

    [name of portal] is about different places, people from those places and their customs. You can discover or explore famous cities like Paris, Rome and Rio de Janeiro, or idyllic locations which you have never heard of before.

    Most importantly, you can find somebody from the place you want to visit. A person who lives there must know a lot about that location. And not just that! You can also find free hosting or a person who will guide you or keep you company

    [name of website] gives you all the information you need for any location. And if any information you need is not posted yet, you can simply send an automatic request to all our members from there.

    Even if you don't plan to travel yourself, you can use [name of website] to show the world where you live and to share photos, videos, updates and other information.

    All members have a Profile and a Location card. Everybody from the same place can edit that Location, adding new sections with text, photos or videos. It can be very funny to build a page of your living place together with many other members near you.

    Behind that it is a fully secured network system. The system calculates members' credibility scores, so only credible members can contact other credible members.

    So it is useful, fun and also highly secured.
    Ready to start? [name of portal]!"

    Those were the best changes I could make, to still convey what you were trying to say, it's a more correct fashion.

    Hope that help.
     
    vK3, Aug 17, 2008 IP
  3. ernest1a

    ernest1a Guest

    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #3
    Sorry for late response. Thank you very much for taking a time to correct it!
     
    ernest1a, Sep 3, 2008 IP