New to copywriting please critique

Hi everyone, I've been studying direct marketing, copywriting for about 2 months and I finally put up a landing page...can some of you give me a critique....good bad...what can i improve?

e-bizcoachalan.com

Thanks you!

 

The aesthetics of the page turned me off before i even read it. It has that "sales letter" look to it which i hate - makes me think it is some get rich spam site.

Also, the title on the page is too long - make it shorter so people know what the page is talking about without having to read an entire sentence.

The use of bulleted points is almost always a good decision, but again they are too long. Each bullet should have a short title and a brief description beneath.

Hope that helps.

 

Oops, nothing but the root directory listing.

If you are just updating your site or redoing it I would suggest putting a temporary index page that prevents people from seeing your directory structure.

It could be a simple page with nothing at all or just a message saying that you are working on, but restoring the access in brief.

 

EBizAlan, sorry I have to agree with BILZ. You need to change the entire layout into a more user friendly tone. All the hard text, bold text, big font size will drive your customers away on sight. There are plenty of web designers in the forum if you ever need help.

 

Finally I got your page displayed and agree with dito and bilz.

Your site look like a typical newsletter, but embedded into a very basic layout design.

There are also numerous sites where you can get a free template that better matches your marketing strategy.