http://rtc.ehomeshowings.net/ I have tried to put to use the advise I got from the posters of my last thread. Did it get better or did it go south. Please remember this is a practice server and the grammar, spelling is still yet to be proofread. I just want to find out how it looks and is there a flow to the copy, plus if you want to role play as a home seller would the product intrerest you and if not what have I left out
I didn't see your previous copy, so I couldn't say if things are better now. But here's my impression of my visit to your site: -- Love the idea of this service. I understood right way from the little lawn sign up top, the cellphone next to it, and the first line in your banner what you were selling and why I needed to keep reading to learn more. -- It got a little bit shakey for me in your 1st paragraph, though. Here's why: I'm a homeowner who is desparate to sell my home. In this economy, I'm not just relying on my real estate rep. I hoped that even if I'm a FSBO seller, I can take advantage of this service and you would show a cell photo of my home to many people without any realtor being involved. -- So I'm wondering if your 1st paragraph could reveal that EVERY type of home seller can benefit from this service, not just realtors. And not just when their offices are closed. -- Also, if I'm a realtor, I like that this helps while my office is closed. But it would be great if your service showed homes I represent even to people who do not call me... Maybe more people would call me if you had a way to show this even while I *am* in the office. (Hope this makes sense, although I don't know if you're capable of setting it up this way.) -- I know you're still writing the copy. While you're working on it, you should make almost every sentence on there shorter. They are all too long. I got lost and had to re-read almost every sentence to make sure I understood the point. -- All of the he/she and his/her places started to stand out a bit much. Maybe write it in a way that completely avoids having to use a gender reference. Maybe just write "the homeowner" or "the realtor" or whatever. -- You wrote this very clear and powerful sentence describing your service: Introducing realtytocell.com the automated property marketing and sales system that delivers your property photos and descriptions to a potential buyer's cell phone - 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. This and what you have right below it are the most compelling info I saw. This is one of your key benefits, but it's buried. This and tripling your home's exposure are what will keep me reading, but you need to tell me these things right off the bat... I may not read down in the middle. Hope this helps, and best of luck!
It's good. I can't find any faults. The headings need to stand out more though. Maybe make them bigger.
Come on all you copywriting pro's. Tell me where I stand. This is what I am gonna use to try to create a business. I want to here if it is really sales copy that can produce sales.
Well, I don't want to be rude, but any sales copy must not contain a complex sentence. you did exactly that in the headline "Have you ever thought about what it would be like if you could promote your property to potential customers every day, without having to spend a lot of time on the phone, or setting up meetings?" Your potential client will forget the first few words when they reach the last word. Make small sentences. Be specific. You can change the language completely if it doesn't serve the purpose. You have used long, complex sentences all through the page. This is not the way to write a sales page, I am afraid. And regarding design, I find the words "Get contacted by more..." White colored word in the background of light blue - does not catch our eyes, the combination should be something else. Rest is fine.
Header should be much bigger, much shorter, and highlighted somehow to stand out. Picture should be higher on the page - invokes trust like you are speaking to them directly, Get those bullet point benefits above the fold. Lose the adsense.. no real business selling a real service like this has adsense on their site. People need to focus on your message not ads.
Also cell phone pics are too small to see easily as well as overall fonts. Make it easy on the eyes, the font in the header is tough to read as well. Maybe go with an Ariel bold or sans-serif font.