Need Opinion/Feedback for my sales page

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by jkegroup, Nov 1, 2007.

  1. #1
    This is a one page mini site for an ebook I've written. Would love some feedback on the sales copy as well as the page design.

    www.howtorentalimousine.com
     
    jkegroup, Nov 1, 2007 IP
  2. Tech Man

    Tech Man Peon

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    #2
    Hi,

    I don't know much about how lucrative the "limousine rental" niche is but the sales page isn't too impressive if you ask me.

    I really suggest you have it redone by a professional copywriter who knows what he/she's doing. If you did hire somebody to write this one for you then I suggest you demand a refund. It's not just the writing, the entire layout is kind of messy.

    If you're really serious and are sure about the marketability of your ebook, you shouldn't expect to get a "professional" sales page for a couple hundred dollars or so. I've seen a lot of people settle for $30 sales pages and end up taking down their sites and parking their domains hoping they make the hosting fees back before the domain expires.

    Thanks
     
    Tech Man, Nov 2, 2007 IP
  3. EllieGriffin

    EllieGriffin Peon

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    #3
    Your website does need some tweaking. I disagree with the previous poster that you need to spend 100's of dollars. There are some people just starting out who would be happy to charge $50-$100 for quality services. Granted they won't have as much experience, but you are doing them a favor by hiring them and you'll get good results. You just have to weed through the bad seeds.

    Read up on Copwriting yourself and see what changed you can make. If you want a free ebook that's really a great step by step just pm me. I didn't write it and actually got it from Warrior Forum today :)
     
    EllieGriffin, Nov 2, 2007 IP
  4. Mila

    Mila Peon

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    #4
    Jkegroup, the very layout of your sales page is wrong, sorry to say that :( Get some info what a good sales page should look like, and what is more important, should include. Or hire a pro to write your sales page for your ebook

    Anyways, best of luck with your sales!
     
    Mila, Nov 2, 2007 IP
  5. thisnow

    thisnow Peon

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    #5
    Jkegroup, I'd spend a little more time developing the site. The very first testimonial has a spelling error in it (or should be for). This may be a profitable niche but the site definitely needs to be improved.
     
    thisnow, Nov 2, 2007 IP
  6. ashvaj

    ashvaj Active Member

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    #6
    I did look in to your sales-copy. You started conceptualizing in a right way but then perhaps lost track.You need to work on design a little more. It is nice but leaves too much space blank and eyes keep looking as if something was there and now it is missing. I hope you are getting my point. The testimonials are wrongly placed and need better designing and positioning.The text also needs an editting from the sales point of view. You just need to work on it a little more.
     
    ashvaj, Nov 2, 2007 IP
  7. Tech Man

    Tech Man Peon

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    #7
    ashvaj put it perfectly and I forgot to say...

    good luck with your site....
     
    Tech Man, Nov 2, 2007 IP
  8. koopster77

    koopster77 Guest

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    #8
    First off...

    Kudos to you getting out there and making your product available for sale! Many "would-be marketers" complain like crazy that they can't make a buck and then you find out they haven't actually done anything!

    In my opinion (and experience) both your layout and copy could stand some significant improvement. You have a lot of the right elements they just need some more polish and better positioning.

    Your testimonials are very good but not in the right place.

    If you want a really good (and free) lesson go to Clickbank and search for products with really high "gravity." This basically means that affiliates are selling a lot of this particular product right now.

    I just did a search and found a good example for you... it's at GoogleSnatch.com

    Here's the basic flow...

    *Pre-head (aka Pre-headline) which comes before the main headline
    *Headline (the thing that really has to grab your visitors attention!)
    *Sub-head (the piece of copy that makes your visitor continue reading your first paragraph)
    *Your main sales letter content
    *Your first testimonial
    *More content
    *More testimonials (etc)
    *Product shot
    *More content
    *Buy button
    *Guarantee (if any)
    *PS's which reinforce the offer and remind them of your guarantee

    Hope this helps!

    PS - The header/footer graphics are "ok" but at the bare minimum you should get rid of the big "curve" element. It's leaving way too much white space and making you start the really important stuff (i.e. your copy/headline) way too low on the page!

    Wishing you much success!
     
    koopster77, Nov 3, 2007 IP
  9. marketjunction

    marketjunction Well-Known Member

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    #9
    Here's a tip: Personalize

    Maybe I'm not most consumers. Rewrite this and personalize it. Write with emotion TO the reader.

    This isn't a complete sentence by any stretch and it's worded poorly. It's weak and says just about nothing. Figure out what you meant to say and make it hit home.

    Good luck with it.
     
    marketjunction, Nov 5, 2007 IP
  10. NinjaTickets

    NinjaTickets Guest

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    #10
    I agree with koopster. To add a bit, it seems like its on the right track but that your selling a bit much, maybe pull it back a bit for a softer sale especially at the beginning. Let the reader work themselves into a "frenzy". I always think to myself you have to try to do more than make money to make money, and it seems like your just trying to make money.
     
    NinjaTickets, Nov 6, 2007 IP
  11. Insolsence

    Insolsence Active Member

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    #11
    The sales page is a plain plainy. Also, the paydotcom button must be in the next line and not the same one. 3.5/5
     
    Insolsence, Nov 7, 2007 IP
  12. jkegroup

    jkegroup Peon

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    #12
    thank you for your feedback
     
    jkegroup, Nov 13, 2007 IP
  13. Coby DuBose

    Coby DuBose Peon

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    #13
    As most on here have indicated, you're not TOO far off. The nice thing is that you can still improve the page relatively easily.
     
    Coby DuBose, Nov 16, 2007 IP