Need help and crituqe this article - your opinions count.

Discussion in 'Reviews' started by sgooey, May 14, 2012.

  1. #1
    I know that I have got a way to go before my writing is top notch so that is
    why I am posting this. At any rate, below is a portion of an article and if you
    can give me an idea of what I need to improve, that would be great.

    Please be an honest judge...

     
    sgooey, May 14, 2012 IP
  2. apathykills

    apathykills Peon

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    #2
    Hey there,

    First of all I think you should drop the "a" in the title and keep it clean (and nice sounding) - Investing Money in a Real Estate Company.

    As an independent copywriter with 3 years of experience behind me, I have to be honest and confess to you that there are a bunch of things that should be changed in your content. Some are grammar mistakes, some aren't but simply make it a boring and difficult read.

    Moreover, you should focus on your target audience when writing an article. What kind of readers are going to view your work? Are they going to be happy with the current format (2 really large paragraphs) or are they going to be frustrated that the text isn't structured in a way that makes it more visually appealing?

    These are just a few aspects I think you should consider, should you turn this work into the top notch article you want it to be.
     
    apathykills, May 15, 2012 IP
  3. tridosil

    tridosil Peon

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    #3
    Beautiful .
    I like it.
     
    tridosil, May 24, 2012 IP
  4. tuppence

    tuppence Member

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    #4
    It needs a bit of work to improve the flow and ease of reading for a native English reader (I guess this will be aimed at American readers). There is an extra a in the title and some unnecessary words in the body of the text. Overall its a good starting point but needs some editing and rewording.
     
    tuppence, Apr 29, 2014 IP
  5. Classificados

    Classificados Greenhorn

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    #5
    Honestly, (assuming that the original was not written in English or by a native English speaker), to make this article more coherent, it will be better if you can give the original to someone who speaks both languages fluently (language of the origin of the article and English language). Otherwise, it will be very difficult to get your REAL point.
     
    Classificados, May 5, 2014 IP