Can you please review the ad copy on this page, and let me know what you think? Thanks! Magic Mastery
...in just a few minutes a day. Not with a few minutes a day. I think I'll have to come back and look tomorrow. My brain is too tired. I just noticed that little nit.
I don't think the copy to be terribly effective. The titles and subtitles are fairly decent, although I would edit the red one to be shorter and with more of a punch. As for the list it is simply not enough, the copy requires some "storytelling" perhaps detailing the trick you are giving away. The whole page ends abruptly and unconvincing. You are selling magic, make it feel that way. Best regards, George P.S. Awesome domain by the way
I generally don't like being harsh on writers or even those attempting to be writers, but this isn't really ad copy... in my opinion anyway. You have the idea of what you want to say. But what you have is description, not emotion. People buy because they have an emotional impulse to do so, they will then use logical reasoning to back up and justify their emotional response. Something to keep in mind when writing a page like this one, is that -- if I'm reading this page, then I am already emotionally interested in pursing a purchase. I have the impulse to buy. What you really need to do on this page is, "don't slow me down." Build on the impulse I already have. Use shorter sentences, for one. Correct your spelling: possibilites = possibilities; dissapear = disappear Really you should use words better as well. Vanish, is much better than "disappear". Don't use "possibilities are endless" ... it is drab and worn out. Create a riot of imagination in the mind of the reader. Go through the vocabulary of illusion and magic. Utilize the wonder that already exists. Something I always do when writing copy is ask, "would this line get me shagged?"
This is totally spot on. Why did you make this live? It looks like someone was in a hurry to create adcopy. Why do you have it live when you havent gotten an editor?
When writing a sales letter style, you must keep in mind you are selling a solution, not a product. So write it like the product you are offering is the answer to a problem. A good "sales letter" is positioned to a target market, has a particular organization of copy that leads the target audience through a process. (Like geegel said above, it's a story.) Ad copy is not text that is just randomly slapped on the page, it does require a specifically choreographed outline of emotional events that make an argument for a particular product. So you can't have it lie there like a label or laundry list or a description without a BENEFIT or a SOLUTION to a problem. That's what ad writing is--a persuasive argument as to why I need such and such. Andrew C. (a member writer here) said on another forum, that you write it so that the target market would crawl through broken glass to get it. (out of context but that's the gist).
I dont think its that bad of a squeeze page. A lot of people are going to be pretty quick to go through the entire thing and tell you to change shorter words into better ones. Although grabbing the nearest thesaurus and making yourself sound incredibly intelligent is what many writers see as the solution I believe copy is more or less finding the perfect balance between keeping the attention of the "quick witted, less intelligent" readers and the people who look for trust in your "vocabulary prowess".
With all due respect to my colleagues here, the copy is quite fine for a squeeze page. It manages to convey exactly what your readers are going to learn, without actually giving anything away. I would say that, for the audience you are targeting, your copy is spot on. I would advise caution, however, in using the images of well known celebrities in your header - unless you have explicit permission to do so. I only say this as I have heard that Angel is a bit sue happy. Might just want to run it by your legal dept. first. Hope that helps
Exactly as what CoolCopy says, on reading the copy, a visitor will learn what all is he/she going to learn but... ....Now, a BUT comes in between!! The reader will not enroll or purchase the product because the copy is not convincing enough. Before writing a sales copy, you have to understand the purpose behind it. A sales copy is written to generate leads from both type of people: interested and not interested. Hence it should be written in such a way that even a person who has no interest in the product you are selling, is convinced so much by reading your copy, that even he for once gives it a thought to go for it. Then you can be assured that people interested will definitely go for the service.
With all due respect, Jenny, I'm afraid I must respectfully disagree. First and foremost you need to understand that this is not sales copy per se; but rather a squeeze page. A squeeze page is designed to do one thing, and one thing only - get targeted leads, email addresses of people who are interested. What would be the point of having people on your list who weren't interested in what you were selling? We all have to deal with the occasional freebie seeker; but in the long run, a squeeze page needs only be targeted at the particular market who will want to buy what you are selling. That said: FireFly, I would consider directing sign-ups to an oto immediately upon entering their info; rather than the simple "confirm your email" page that's up right now. If it's written well, you should more than double your sales.
From a practical standpoint, a squeeze page purely seeks the purpose of making a non-cash sale... You're holding something cost-free at ransom, for my email address. The Master IM'ers have conveyed, each in their own way, that you'll spend every bit as much time on a high-conversion squeeze page, as you will a for-pay direct sale. That said, I respectfully disagree with you (CoolCopy) on one critical point: It is very unwise to send your new subs to a direct sale right after signing up; if you hope to actually get that subscriber as a true double opt-in. Best, is to create a custom landing page, with a gentle reminder that they are only moments away from recieving their goodies... Please click on the confirm link in the email just sent... I notice my double opt-in conversions are even higher when I use an extremely snazzy eBox/eCover on both the squeeze page, and reminder (landing) page. Only Then, after they double-opt, would I send them to a direct sale page. Also, I STRONGLY advise getting rid of as much as (preferably all of) the red lettering as possibele. It radiates "amateur"(imho). Go for a bold promise, then Stand and Deliver without using any red lettering. You will surely not lose any subs, and very well may gain more.
There is no reason why one cannot do both. This is really more of a marketing issue, rather than a copywriting issue; but my point to FireFly was that sending opt-ins to a "one time only offer" landing page (of course with a "check your email to receive your free gift" notice up top), sales can be doubled, and you'll still get your double opt-in for the freebie. Once they have clicked on the email link to confirm their opt-in (for the freebie), they can be sent to yet another oto page; or to the page offering the freebie if it is not to be delivered via email.
Good clarification. The sole purpose of copywriting is to sell something... Whether free or for-pay, and ultimately boils down to marketing. Yes, I have actually experimented much with what you are saying. Optimally the BE offer is laser-focused to the freebie, and I have discovered that in keeping the "please confirm" and "confirmed" landing page offer one in the same... I am definitely seeing stronger (unified) conversions, than the combined conversions of two entirely different offers (even when the two stand-alone offers are laser-focused to the freebie).
Well, I still think it needs something more in the line of "Intrigue your friends when you mysteriously float in the air, charm the opposite sex when you read her mind, Learn how to wow a crowd yadda yadda". I think the thought is there, you just need to turn it around and make the person feel like it's going to do something for them-- make them more charming or popular or center of attention. "All eyes are on you" and phrases like that. You are catering to people who want and crave the spotlight. Even if it is a squeeze page, I think it needs intrigue.
Well I do not think it is bad, once the gramatical errors are corrected but I would like to quote what webgal has said If you want a professional adcopy that is one thing you cannot do without but. Even though this adcopy may not be professional it is not bad. Had I been looking for majic tricks I would have signed up.
You've got a ton of feedback, everything from it being dead to it being dead on point. My response to you is, TEST. Make sure you've got your tracking mechanisms in place and test that sales page. The results from your test should be your ultimate guide.