You can start just one thread.. maybe something like 'My Jokes Thread' or 'A joke a day thread' and add a joke to it daily. It will keep people coming back and your thread will also stay live for long, rather than starting a new thread for every joke. Actually I also remember seeing a Jokes thread at DP, where every one can post their jokes. Maybe you can contribute to it also
Many DP members adviced me to start one thread where can I post the jokes instead of starting a new thread everytime. So I will use this thread and try to post Joke every day and if you have any good one you can share as well. And As I fulfil your request , I request to all a Green repu for each good joke...Here is first one....enjoy.. OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Here is today's ....these are some facts but with Funny answers.. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) AA pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home,maybe at work) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!") The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??) More funny jokes and funny things in my signatures (joking??)
nah,its just those words and how they have jumbled them up,try it out for yourself it doesnt work with anything else!
Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE : "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND : "Definitely not!" WIFE : "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND : "Of course I do." WIFE : "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND : "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE : "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND : (makes audible groan) WIFE : "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND : "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE : "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND : "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE : "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND : "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE : "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND : "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE : "Would you give her my jewellery?" HUSBAND : "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE : "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND : "No, she's left-handed." WIFE : -- silence -- HUSBAND : "sh*t."
LOL.. That's a funny joke man! But you should make it something else then golf clubs.. cuz you can use them either way.
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! "Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here. Rub it." So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish. Just one wish...each person is only allowed one!" The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!" A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little hard of hearing. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks." "No kidding!.." says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?
lol! I first heard this in Spanish, while learning the language in Mexico. A very popular Mexican comedian tells it, of course with a Mexican and a gringo. I learned Spanish listening to his hateful jokes about Gringos!
Here is one more, A father asked his adopted son," Son what is the height of lazyness??" Son " whatelse then having a adopted son."