Stacy, Suzie, and Bobby are in kinder garden and the teacher is handing out lifesavers. The goal is to guess what flavor they get, Stacy gets a pink one and he guesses watermelon. Suzie gets a red one and guesses cherry, finally Bobby gets a honey but cant guess it. The teacher asks well what does your mom call your dad when he comes home? Bobby replies "OH YOU MEAN FAT LAZY SON OF A B!TCH?" Haha I thought I would share that one with you guys!
Haha, thanks guys. I have another one for ya! Alright a guy is speeding and he gets pulled over but cant afford another speeding ticket. So the cop pulls him over and asks him for his license and registration and he then says I have a gun in the passenger compartment. The police officer takes out his gun and requests for backup. The other cop comes and takes over and asks for his license and registration, the many kindly gives it to him. The officer said "the other officer told me you have a gun in the passenger compartment" he replied " yea just like I bet she told you I was speeding too" Haha thats away to get out of a speeding ticket Cheers & now buy my ebook! hah
3 drunks sitting in the pub. Having a few to many.. The first (#1) drunk says " Oh shhhitt how do I explain me being drunk, I told Lisa I would sober up" The second drunk speaks up" Tell her we dragged youuu to the pub to celebrate your raise" a couple minutes later the 3rd drunk cant hold it and throws up all over Drunk #1.. Oh SHhhitt HE Stands up! Now how do I explain this... The brightest drunk, not missing a beat tells him how to handle Lisa when he gets home. Drunk #1 hails a cab.All the way home he is practicing the the speech. Once at home he stumbles to the door and knocks kinda hard.. Lisa Answers" Your Drunk! YOU SON of a " But Honey Please Listen... The guys dragged me to the pub for my raise I got today... She then said "look at you," you puked all over yourself".. He then says " But Fred puked On me and he gave me this $20.00 for dry cleaning.. He then pulls out $120.00 ... She looked amazed and dazed and said oh YEA.. Explain the other $100.00 and why do you smell like shit.. He says.. That is from Fred as well He gave me the exta $100.00 for shitting my pants too..