Next time when she says "yours or mine", go to hers. Then, provided you have lied about your name and where you leave during the evening before, it'll be easier to disappear without having to stand her talking about your relationship and the things you must do because of it. Happy new year
you should move to australia, they dont have problems with rats over there - all rats in you house/trailer/campervan/hotel room will be killed by poisonous spiders or snakes after a while...