Hello! I'm 27 years old and my GF is 3 month younger than me. We are living together for 3 and half years. She wants to get married and have kids. I believe that she thinks about marriage everyday. However, I feel that I’m not ready and I’m not sure that I want to marry at all. Every time she begins to talk about marriage and kids, I can't say much, but the more I hear about it the more annoyed / angered I get. She always says that women should have 1st baby before the age 27, I agree on that, but I don't want to say those words yet! During these times she always use that woman's way of talking where woman always right and a man has no choice but to agree. She says that a ring and a stamp show the status of a woman. I used to say: “If you really love me you would not care about marriage that muchâ€. I think that is what she hates to hear. Sometimes I feel that she wants the status more that me. At some point she is naïve. On the other hand she can run the house quite well and she always helps my parents. Sometimes I even think that she puts me on the 2nd plan, while helping them. She knows how to spend money and sometimes I do have to ask my parents for some extra. Usually 6 days before the month end I hardly have a few coins left, considering the fact that I don't spend much money on myself. Except McDonalds. (joke) I do poke her sometimes about money economy and we get some small fights about it. The way, I see it. If we get married - I don't have enough money for wedding unless I ask parents or get some funds in the bank for a few years. Otherwise, if the wedding is small and tiny could be fine, but I don’t think girls like those. I, myself hate all those ceremonies and if ever get married I would prefer fast get it done thing. As of now the current spending are higher than my current income and the income is much better than the country's average. Sometimes I think – ok! What if we get a kid? “I got no money for kid yet!†Not even for a dog!†I don't even have time to walk a dog.†On the other hand: She had her falls before meeting me and knows what she wants. Seems like she runs out of time. As for me - I'm a simple guy and I’m not sure what I want. I have many ideas but don't know how to implement them. I got wealthy parents. This is my 1st serious relationships. I think that I'm not so mature to get married! Sometimes I could say things that could hurt; meanwhile I don’t really notice that those words can hurt at all. Sorry to say it but I feel like, what if I get married now and in 15 years I will be 42, I might as any strange man in our century fall for a younger girl. Like it was said somewhere: “The best woman is the woman that passes by!†Overall she is a great girl and I like her a lot, might even love her. I think this small story might not be enough to explain everything. But I have tried to show at least something. I think we are not far away from the breaking point, where everything will be desided. Please tell me your thoughts.
have you tried dating other girls too? if you haven't tried yet, then you're probably ment to be with her.
You might as well get married then Not that I could preach anyone at my age, but I believe if you aren't 100% you love her, then don't do it.
Thank you! Hope to hear more! Yes it is my story! My view! That's why I would like to hear woman's opinion.
Embedded in ALL of this are reasons you should NOT do this. Figure out what it is you want and THEN go from there. I have a son that got married to someone he shouldn't have and well, it's a long story but take it from someone who has made the mistake once and observing first hand another mistake. You said it and it can't get any clearer . . .
Firstly, never give this information on a public website you never know who is watching. Second, all your friends are going to tell you to stand clear of this but I can tell you that I got married in April of 2006 and I could not be happier. This past September we had our first child. There are a few things that play into a very important role. The fact that your living together a while is great because you would be surprised how people are when you actually live with them and how they change. Finally in a nut shell -TRUST. Put the petty things aside and have absolute trust in your girl. You can't be the jealous type and you have to pay attention to the little things. Listen more then talk and always be straight forward. Put your foot down when you need to but make sure you are able to compromise. Women do not like a push over. Well some do, the control freaks. But you can't be a wuss. You have to stand up and take charge. If you are ever put to an ultimatum over marriage then walk away no matter how hard it is because the bottom line is that you should never be put to it & you are doomed from go. In regards to the cost of weddings and such get ready... I spent nearly 60K on ours & that is actually pretty low by todays standards......
one more thing! She says: "Why all men think that there is a better girl out there!" "Believe me! it is not true!" "Only later they realize that a better girl was the one that they had!" This just beats me! cause I do agree to the 1st part.
You love her. Accept responsibility. You don't need a pompous wedding... But if you break up, that'd be AWFUL... I just hate that word break-up Friend, you're lucky to have a loving girlfriend. I hope you don't have to settle for anything less in the future. Now's your chance... Marry her. Believe me you'll never regret it... All the Best...
Hmmm...there are things you both need to discuss about. Always communication is the key to solve almost any problem. You say you don't know what you want, but I think this cry for help and writing your thoughts here it's a demonstration of your maturity of thinking. Be honest with your GF and tell her what do you really want...If she loves you she will be there for you untill you will be ready to get married with her. You have to be sure that you love her...with time the feelings are transforming and you have to be ready for this change in you life... Good luck!
im probably wrong, but to me it sounds like you dont want to get married because of the money issue, you should overlook that and do it
I hate the kind of guys who act childesh you are acting chailgisdh and are scared of involments but if so why are you in a relationship ? (why ? grow up or dupm her it ) If you think like that you shourly don't deserve her ... you say you are 27 lol i think your brain is like 12 years old kid ....
With all due respect to the varied opinions here, I simply have to offer some advice here. Throughout the course of your post you mention just how the whole marriage thing is her idea. Now, that's perfectly normal for a girl her age - as is your reaction to her pushing. My first thought is that if you feel the need to bare your soul like this in a public forum, then the last thing you should do is marry the girl. My second thought is that you need to sit her down and have a very serious talk with her. At her age, she is most likely experiencing the whole "biological clock" thing that all women must experience. She's not going to think rationally at this stage, simply because all she can hear is her body telling her that it's time to settle down and have a baby. In her defence, the feeling will pass in about a year or so. Whatever you do, do not marry this girl out of some misplaced sense of guilt. You'll both come to hate each other for it, and if you're unlucky enough to produce children from such a union - they'll be the ones that suffer. If your girl can't, or won't, try to understand that you're not ready for marriage - move on. It will end in heartbreak either way if you don't. Last but not least, you can't even say for certain that you love this girl, so marriage should not even be even a remote consideration for you at this point. Just my 2 cents.
In this day and age there is far too much emphasis on romantic love. That’s why the separation rates for couples are higher than ever before. We buy too much into this media generated bull. What about the real foundation for solid marriage: respect, consideration, warmth, communication and domestication etc. Questions you should ask yourself about her before making a decision include: Do you find her attractive? Do you enjoy her company? Does she get on with your family? Does she interact well with children? Is she a respectable lady? Can she cook or clean? Someone has to do it and you shouldn’t do both. If the answer is yes, marry her. Romantic Love is nothing but a very nice bonus.
I hate those things too.. I hate when people (2+) listen or look at me... (ive always been shy) Whenever I hear about an assignment which public speaking is required, i usually just dont do it and get a 0 on it... Well with college I cant exactly do that, or i fail the course, and all that money is gone. Back to your situation, you can say "If you can cut down on your spending, and our/my bank account reaches $x amount, we can get married and have children". But money isnt your only problem, the rest i see is something I dont think others can help you with.
I think that you need to think about why it is that you get annoyed and angry talking about getting married, it sure sounds like she's not the right girl and you're not ready (a guaranteed recipe for misery)