Hey guys, I was wondering how you guys feel about my first sales letter. Please, I would rather receive harsh criticism than none at all. http://www.fastonlinemoney.net Its not really finished yet as I need to add 2 more products and a few more clients testamonials. I also did not finish the design but if you'd like to comment on that, than feel free. Please show me how I can improve as well since this is my first actual sales letter. Thanks,
Ok mate, haven't read It. Do you know why? Your page is too monotonous, no colors?? black and white sales letter? always the same small text in the entire page? NO HEADLINES? Dude, headlines are the most powerfull tool you have in a sales letter and you are simply throwing that gem away. No Images? No clear text format. (I can't see at a first glance were are the testimonials and were are the features) You definitely have a LOT to improve on that sales letter. Nice logo though. Cheers mate
Poor layout - take a look at other sales letters, and lay it out better. The best way to do this - Google "paid surveys" and take a look at some of the paid listings - most of 'em go to fairly good landing pages - take a look at the ones for 'paid survey review' or 'paid survey scam'. When your landing page can stand next to theirs - you have a winner! Start off by telling me my problem, then how you're proposing to solve it. Give me a centered, '<h1> tag' colored: Big Headline That Will Catch My Attention! If I don't have a problem, why should I read your sales letter? The affiliate link at the bottom needs to be hidden. Tis simple to do, and I've seen threads here at DP on how to do it. Those are just a few ideas off the top of my head...
You need to do some major work there... Even if the copywriting is good, you have to make it readable. Add some pictures, format the text to highlight the vital bits, add some colors, get a proper template...Loads of work.
Needs to be slimmer in width and more spammy looking. Check everloss.com for ideas on what i mean about large red fonts, underlined, highlighted etc.
See i know its not what a normal landing page looks like but I was hoping to get more buyers with a more clean look. But I will add some headlines, pics, ect. Thanks,
See, the usual sales letter format Is as It is because It has evolved along the years, tests after tests, failures after failures, improvements, and step by step some conclusions were made. And buddy, you are trying to be original I understand, but people want the usual old sales letter, It's that kind of layout that triggers the brain into "buy mode", there's no room to be creative in this one. Your sales page is just boring, not creative. Cheers.
We have all felt that at some point. The only thing that matters is conversion = $$$. As corny as huge headlines and long page sales letter looks, its proven to work. Imitate others and don't reinvent the wheel.