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    y u no do it?

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my 1st lp, please critiqeu

Discussion in 'ClickBank' started by lastname, Jun 11, 2009.

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  1. #1
    lastname, Jun 11, 2009 IP
  2. MedicAffiliate

    MedicAffiliate Peon

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    #2
    Jesus holy christ...man did you run this through google translator or something?. The words are completely weird and the grammar is making my brain melt. I would suggest you get this through an actual decent rewriter of content since your previous rewriter (if any) should give you your money back.
     
    MedicAffiliate, Jun 11, 2009 IP
  3. tibor28

    tibor28 Peon

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    #3
    You used google translator am I right? ;) The design is pretty good but you need to get some human language on there!
    "I would adventure to assumption that your adherent was arid becoming more and added dominant..." WTF??? :D
     
    tibor28, Jun 11, 2009 IP
  4. knight1

    knight1 Peon

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    #4
    Definitely needs some adjusting. I don't think that format and layout is going to make sales. It's not just the wording, which needs to be changed. Just looking at it at a glance, I can tell it's a fake review. You need to make sure you are believable and that this was not actually made by a man sitting at home on his computer.

    The little text and big clumped up paragraphs aren't going to help your cause either. Remember to always tell benefits and make it personal (your own thoughts, opinions)but believable!

    The approach you're using anyways the actual recommending a product that worked for you approach - don't make it look like your selling the product to them. Since you are trying to just recommend something that worked for you.

    Use the "if you want to learn more about etc.... then click here" Not here click here for the ebook. Maybe you want to hire a actual girl freelance writer or pro. writer, you can find one pretty cheap nowadays. (sitepoint, services in this forum, seowritingservices) No offense, just being honest because in my viewpoint what's the use of making a site or LP that isn't going to make sales, right?

    cheers!
     
    knight1, Jun 11, 2009 IP
  5. T.J.

    T.J. Peon

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    #5
    Great Site! I think you should definately listen to the other members and make it easier to read though... Also You may want to consider adding more links as well and do it as a call to action.

    But the site looks Great!
     
    T.J., Jun 11, 2009 IP
  6. jimsmith

    jimsmith Peon

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    #6
    this whole thing is a goldmine of lols.
     
    jimsmith, Jun 11, 2009 IP
  7. MedicAffiliate

    MedicAffiliate Peon

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    #7
    Words that need to be screamed in the face of every newbie that joins internet marketing. +reps to you son.
     
    MedicAffiliate, Jun 11, 2009 IP
  8. Black-menace

    Black-menace Peon

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    #8
    Oh my KFC after looking at that page I think I built up enough vocabulary to pass my SAT's with a very high score. :D
     
    Black-menace, Jun 11, 2009 IP