Looking for some constructive criticism of my sales page

Discussion in 'Websites' started by scott.symbiotic.com, Oct 3, 2005.

  1. #1
    One of the DP members was nice enough to point out some obvious errors I had made and it was much appreciated. if you can find anything that you think can improve the conversion of the page please let me know.
    the page is here
     
    scott.symbiotic.com, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  2. William Martin

    William Martin Active Member

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    #2
    To "standarized" for my liking. It's the kind of page I look at and say "con" "viagra" "win at the fruit machines" etc etc

    No offence, just my honest opinon.

    Perhaps lose the standard style and design something more "personal". ??
     
    William Martin, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  3. mopacfan

    mopacfan Peon

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    #3
    That's my take. Very 'get rich quick' looking and one from which I would run for the hills. Maybe it works on newbies, I don't know. But anyone with any real internet experience would probably shy away from that.
     
    mopacfan, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  4. scott.symbiotic.com

    scott.symbiotic.com Peon

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    #4
    Intresting do you have any example of sites with a more personal feel?
     
    scott.symbiotic.com, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  5. scott.symbiotic.com

    scott.symbiotic.com Peon

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    #5
    thanks for your advice.
     
    scott.symbiotic.com, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  6. marketjunction

    marketjunction Well-Known Member

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    #6
    Above the fold I have:

    1. Two pictures of two people I don't know or care about (yet).
    2. A headline, which needs to be rewritten.
    3. A picture of a box.
    4. Some text :We are pleased to introduce you to: The Google Adsense Keyword List. We packaged the very same information and tools we use on a daily basis to make adsense revenue across our driven 100+ website network so you too can reach your peak revenue potential.

    See the problem? In this space you need to:

    A. Tell me what exactly your product is.
    B. How does it relate to me.
    C. Build Trust

    You need to build attention and trust so that the visitor will continue forward.

    The page does none of this effectively. Too much space is wasted on frivolous things. The box is large and takes up a whole row. Why? Is it that important and does it convey something of supreme significance? No.

    By reworking this area, rewriting the headline, and sprucing up the text to be more about what the product is in a concise fashion and why I should care, you will have a much better opening and chance to continue a dialog with your visitor.

    Good Luck!
     
    marketjunction, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  7. scott.symbiotic.com

    scott.symbiotic.com Peon

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    #7
    Excellent suggestions this is the kind of stuff I need to hear many thanks
     
    scott.symbiotic.com, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  8. mopacfan

    mopacfan Peon

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    #8
    marketjunction, excellent post. I may have to look you up before I launch my next site :)
     
    mopacfan, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  9. Epica

    Epica Well-Known Member

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    #9
    Scott - consider the audiance

    While most of us are likely to have the same sort of responce, your target audiance is more likely to go for that type of advertising. I would consider most of the frequent DPForum users a bit more savvy than the beginner - being hip deep in web design, ecommerce, adsense and adwords on a daily basis.

    I personally hate those type of pages, since I hate the 'pitch', although thats part of selling something is pitching it - the people who are not likely to buy aren't going to stick around long anyways, so cater the page to the buying audiance - in which case it looks like you are there.

    One idea I had was 2-3 seperate pages plugging the same offering - one hawking it to complete newbies as a 'money faucet', another to a little more adwords familiar audiance as a center piece for their efforts, and another to heavy duty adwords users outlining the timesaving and organizational benefits of this as one of the tools in their arsenal.

    But anyways - thats just one mans opinion ;)
     
    Epica, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  10. marketjunction

    marketjunction Well-Known Member

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    #10
    Thank you kindly :D
     
    marketjunction, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  11. Epica

    Epica Well-Known Member

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    #11
    agreed marketjunction - excellent post! :)
     
    Epica, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  12. AlexCO

    AlexCO Active Member

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    #12
    For "simpsons" it's OK. :)
     
    AlexCO, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  13. scott.symbiotic.com

    scott.symbiotic.com Peon

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    #13
    so do I might even hire him to do a rewrite :)
     
    scott.symbiotic.com, Oct 3, 2005 IP
  14. gabrio

    gabrio Peon

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    #14
    i think that that is fine as it is.
     
    gabrio, Oct 4, 2005 IP