ok one more . also please share if you have any.... 3 Words What 3 words does a woman not want to hear when having sex? Darling I'm home!
DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady? Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already! NAMES OF WIVES A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his... 4th wife..... baby doll 3rd wife.....china doll 2nd wife.....barbie doll 1st wife..... panadol ! HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME This is how India got its name..... The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"... RESEARCH FINDING Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 papayas women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch! ARAB MAN An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint. 'Your name pls.'? "Abdul Aziz " "Sex? " "Six times a week!! " "No, no, I mean male or female! " "Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !" SERVICE Sex is like a restaurant. Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service" HAPPY MAN What makes a happy man? Daughter on the cover of cosmo. Son on the cover of sports illustrated. Mistress on the cover of playboy and .. Wife on the cover of "missing persons" SWIMSUIT Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented? To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section. GOOD AMBITION Teacher: What do you want to become? Little Johnny: Doctor !! Teacher: Why? Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it. DENTIST Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed." Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly." VIRGIN Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED " OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL 75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl. On their first night both were crying - why??? Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything Post if you have any. Thanks. Ashwini[/QUOTE] HAHAHA!!! Nice joke.. it really made me laugh...
Here are some: When is the vet busiest? When it rains cats and dogs When don't you feel so hot? When you catch a cold. What means of transportation gives people colds? A choo-choo train. What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold? One knows the stops, the other stops the nose. Why does a dentist seem moody? Because he always looks down in the mouth. What would you call a small wound? A short cut. Which eye gets hit the most? A bullseye. When a girl slips on the ice, why can't her brother help her up? He can't a brother and assist her (a sister) too. What kind of television programme tells you who just broke an arm or leg? A newcast.
Ok here comes another one : Friends of Women.. A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend`s apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them... Friends of Men.. A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend`s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them . . . !!!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing edhan Ashwini
Few more here... Figure Santa: Darling, years ago you had a figure like Coke bottle. His Wife: Yes darling I still same, only differnece is - earlier it was 300ml, now it's 1.5 ltr. difference What is the difference between Mother & Wife? Mother brings you into this world crying... & the Wife ensures you Continue to do so!! Full form Santa asked Banta the full form of MATHS. Banta: Mentally affected teachers harassing students. Cold Morning Two men are meeting on the street. "It was very cold this morning." "How cold was it?" "I do not know exactly, but I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets."
Oh my GOD, this was hilarious... are you kidding, I can read this all day.. I printed it out to show my girls and they are laughing histerically.
ahh thanks to you all ..here are few more ... Two Fool A sardar was drawing money from ATM, The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). " The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258" This one is a joke cum advice- keep reading with concentration Daddy and Mommy are fighting in the living room, right before their little son. Daddy: Oh !! You Bitch!! Mommy: What?? You Bastard! Son: Daddy, Mommy, what's Bitch and Bastard?? At this moment, Daddy blushes. He quickly thinks up something. Daddy: It means Ladies and Gentlemen, son. Son: Oh I see!! 2nd SCENE The little son was watching a TV show about premarital sex and there they mentioned the words 'breasts' and 'penises'. Mommy was reading the papers. Son: Mommy, what's breasts and penises? At this moment, Mommy turned blue, and quickly thought of something to say. Mommy: "It means coats and hats, son" Son" Oh I see!! 3rd SCENE Daddy was shaving his beard and the son passed by the toilet, suddenly, Daddy cut himself and screamed.... Daddy: Oh shit!! Son: Daddy, what's shit? At this moment, Daddy's eyes bulged, and quickly thought of something to say: Daddy: "It means shaving cream, son". Son: Oh I see!! 4th SCENE Christmas is approaching, and Mommy was stuffing the turkey into the stove. The turkey just wouldn't fit into the stove, so she said... Mommy: Oh fuck! Son: Mommy, what's fuck? At this moment, Mommy froze. She quickly thought of something to say. Mommy: "It means stuffing, son. Son: Oh I see!! 5th SCENE It's Christmas eve! Little son exuberantly opened the door to let all his uncles, aunties, cousins and friends come into the house. Proudly he said... "Welcome in, Bastards and Bitches! Please put all your breasts and penises at that corner of the house! My parents are busy at the moment. You see, Daddy is putting shit on his face upstairs and Mommy is fucking the turkey in the kitchen, but don't worry, they'll be out here in a minute! Everyone fainted ...!!! ---------- Will update it with some new jokes everyday. So keep eyeing. Thanks to you all. Ashwini
here comes the todays one..... Poems written by husband to wife **** I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack. ****** God saw me hungry, he created pizza . He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi . He saw me in dark, he created light . He saw me without problems, he created YOU. ****** Twinkle Twinkle little star You should know what you are And once you know what you are Mental hospital is not so far. ****** The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you? ****** Roses are red, Violets are blue Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo. Don't feel so angry you will find me there too Not in cage but laughing at you. Have a good laugh and enjoy. Thanks. Ashwini