Jokes... Just jokes....

LOL
Nice one

 

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.

"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."

The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?"

"Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents."

"OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."

 

From all the jokes, this one really made me laugh! Good one!

 

Here is one for Christmas

Santa Claus needed a vacation. He decided to go to Texas because it was warm and he had heard that the people were friendly. As soon as he arrived in town, people began to point and say, "Look! The big red one! Isn't he someone famous?

Santa thought, "Gee, I'll never get any rest if people star asking to sit on my lap and try to tell me things they want." So he decided to disguise himself. He bought a cowboy outfit complete with cowboy boots and cowboy hat. "No one will know me now, I look just like everyone else!" he thought happily.

As soon as Santa started walking down the street people began to point and say, "Look! It's that famous Christmas personality!" Santa rushed around a corner to hide.

"It's my beard!" he thought. "They recognize me because of my long white beard!" So Santa went to a barbershop and had his beard shaved off. "I really look like everybody else now!" Santa thought.

So he walked down the street with a big smile on his face. Suddenly a man shouted, "It's him! It's him! Look everybody!"

Santa couldn't believe it. He was sure that no one would recognize him. So Santa walked up to the man and said, "How did you recognize me?"

The man looked at Santa and said, "You? I don't know you, but isn't that four-legged guy with the big red nose behind you Rudolph?"

 

hahaha That was just a little bit embarrassing *bad*

 

very nice...

 

hey that is nice ....that is great man hilarious

 

What do you do when a dead baby washes up on a beach?











....Try to hide your erection.


Edit: That was my 300th post, ohh the shame.

 

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, "The bastard used coins!"


Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

 

In a murder trial...

In a murder trial, thedefense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

 

goodone haaheeeee just post some more intrsting joke for more fun

 

really gud one

 

yeah... these are one heck of a jokes !!

 

Thanks for your good comments...

Here is another one...

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the second man.
I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

 

Haha! That was a good one!

 

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and meekly asks, "What did he say?"
The weary wife yells to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR STINKING UNDERWEAR!"

--------------------------------------------------------
Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, Invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage,

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered

 

hahahha ,it was gud one

 

Two more...

There was a blonde who was one day praying to god this is what she said: "God can you please let me win the lottery? If I don't I'll lose my car and my house."

She didn't win the lottery.

She prayed again and said: "God I lost my car and I don't want to lose my house, so please let me win the lottery."

She didn't win the lottery and lost her house.

Once again she prayed but in the middle of her prayer a really bad thunderstorm came. God appeared out of the sky. So the blonde said: "God why haven't you been letting me win the lottery?" God replied: "Well you at least have to help out and buy a ticket!"

---------------------------------

A blonde walked into a store and asked one of the employees there if she could buy dishwasher. The employee replied, "No we don't sell to blondes." So she went and dyed her hair brown. She went back to the store and asked the same guy if she could buy the diswasher and the employee said, "No we don't sell to browns." So she went and dyed her hair red and went back to the same store and asked the same guy if she could buy the dishwasher. The guy replied, "No we don't sell to blondes," the blonde looked confused and asked, "How did you know i was a blonde?" Then guy replied, "That's a microwave!"

 

I have receive this few minutes ago, by email...

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
"Breast-fed,"she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.
He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. "
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came ."

 

Haha, can't beat those two.